Alexandra Roxo

HOLY F*CK: 5 WAYS TO JUMPSTART YOUR LOVE AND SEX LIFE IN 2017

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

In her final Holy F*ck column of 2016, Alexandra Roxo has 5 ways to jumpstart your love and sex life in 2017…Portrait: Alexandra Herstik

Alexandra Roxo Holy Fuck The Numinous sex life in 2017

2016 has been a wild year for the planet and for America. For me it’s been a year of change and growth and reshuffling and purging and mourning and planting seeds and learning. I also hadn’t been single in 10 years, and have spent this one being VERY single. I’ve used this time to have a giant rethink of ALL my ideas, values, and beliefs about love and sex.

I’ve done some dating, sure, but I put the brakes on things in the name of some deep diving and learning and observing of myself and my clients, which is hard for a Piscean princess who loves to dive into romance. My birthday is just days from Anais Nin (if that means anything to you you’re prob my tribe!).

Last week, in search of my culminating thoughts about love and sex and spirit for the end of this year, I called my friend Gala Darling, whose latest love story is one of my faves! After a divorce, Gala met her adorable boyfriend online a little over a year ago and I’d been swooning over them via Insta for a while. I wanted to hear the dirt…Did she believe in soul mates? Manifesting the man of your dreams with spells and rituals? Making a list of important things in love and meditating on them? I had a lot of questions for her.

Gala said many things but what stuck out the most was: “Relationships are not meant to be easy. Marriage is not easy. They are not meant to be comfortable. They are meant to push you to see things about yourself that are not actualized. Having a soul mate is not a party!” This sentiment is way too overlooked in the twin flame/soul mate discourse. Where’s the footer that says “Hey BTW this shit hurts”?

Gala Darling and her boyfriend Garnett Holy Fuck The Numinous sex life in 2017
Gala Darling and her boyfriend Garnett shot by Juliane Berry

She also reminded me that there is no certainty. Like ever. In marriage. In relationships. In any of it. People who are single think “Oh when will I meet that special someone?” And then people who are in partnership may be asking “Is this right? Is it supposed to hurt this much? Be this hard? Do I still love them?” There is no certainty but our devotion to ourselves, and our practice of keeping aligned with our heart’s needs.

So in order to do just that I’ve prepared some writing exercises for this column, to help you too rethink/ rewrite / jumpstart your love and sex life in 2017…

So get out your journal. Put on a kimono. Or silk PJ’s. Select some quiet tunes. Burn some incense.  Make yourself a cozy nest. I rec bed surrounded by blankets and pillows and some rose tea and a few candles.

  1. RETHINK YOUR “LIST”

We all make these grand lists of what we want in a partnership and we often forget that the human we imagine coming into our life will also be flawed. Just like us! Do you have some list you’ve been working on for years? Fantasies in your mind about how your partner should or shouldn’t be? This can change as you grow so def revisit every six months. So use this time to make a list of HARD YES’s and HARD NO’s, and to really meditate on them.

Ask yourself big questions like: “Could you be with someone who doesn’t believe in God? Or do you absolutely need to be with someone who wants kids?”

 

  1. BROADEN YOUR IDEA OF A SOUL MATE

Do you have people in your life you have let see the whole spectrum of your madness and beauty? Your most ugly side and your most beautiful? I believe all the people who can hold all of us and push us to our edges are our soul mates. If you’ve never let your darkness come out with anyone I say deepen a friendship with someone who you can do that with. Not in an abusive way, but in a way where the connection can go deep under the surface. That will get you ready for partnership, and if you’re partnered it will keep you deep diving into yourself.

My friend Rebecca and I really did NOT like each other when we met. I thought she was a dirty hippie and she thought I was a stuck up goodie two shoes. 15 years later we are best friends. During that time we’ve hated each other. Not spoken for a year. Had the most heinous of fights.  But had the most enlightening and fun and hilarious moments together too. She knows me in a way no one else can. Our love is as deep as the ocean.

Ask yourself: “Who are my soul mates now? Who has pushed me to the edges and helped me grow? What can I learn from these relationships about myself?”

 

  1. COMMIT TO A PRACTICE AND STICK WITH IT

If you haven’t dated in a while, will you commit to a dating practice? Perhaps you and a friend can buddy up, open an online account, make a ritual of creating your profile (which Gala says is “like casting a spell!”) Practice connecting with strangers in a non-attached way. Go on coffee dates with no agenda except chatting with a stranger. Maybe 1 out of 10 will be someone you’re actually attracted to, so keep it chill. No expectations. Treat it like a morning yoga practice!

If you’re in a relationship commit to a growth practice. Is it seeing a relationship coach once a month to make sure you are growing? Does your sex life need a reboot? Can you commit to an afternoon every other week of sexual exploration time to keep expanding there? If your relationship has become too dependent can you commit to developing and nurturing solo space?

Decide what practice you want to commit to in 2017 and break it down over the months and weeks.

 

  1. GET TO KNOW YOUR LOVE STYLES

How do you like to be loved? (If you need some inspo you can do the 5 Languages of Love quiz.) I know I mostly need to be loved with touch and kind words, and if I feel I can communicate that to my next partner they don’t waste their time buying me gifts or giving me rides or cooking for me. I told Loulou (one of my besties) about this, and now we know that we both highly value a solid compliment we pay each other loving compliments regularly! It just takes knowing and asking.

Make a list of ways you like to be loved, either within a partnership or solo. Do you need more touch? Schedule a weekly massage or trade with a friend. 

 

  1. LOOK IN THE MIRROR

Don’t make me quote Michael but um…he had a point! If you were a potential partner meeting yourself for the first time what would you think? What would you want more of? Less of? This is good to look at whether you’re single or attached. Would you prefer someone who is more available? Someone who is more financially stable? Someone in better shape? Someone who meditates daily? Well, this is a great way to see where you need to make changes on yourself.

For example, I was thinking I would just love a partner who can chop wood—so fuck it, I guess I’ll learn to chop wood in 2017 too! You can also be the partner you want to your friends. I mean, don’t make out with them passionately or anything (unless that’s how you roll!) but love your friends like you wanna be loved. Cook for them. Write cute notes. Romance your friends and yourself!

Set some goals for how you can become the best partner and self and friend.

***

If you want to go deeper with this work sign up for my Holy F*ck course where we will be using creative writing and storytelling to dive deep into our habits, tendencies, hopes and dreams in love and sex in a conscious way.  I also see clients one on one for six month periods of mentorship and on off coaching sessions. More info here.

Alexandra Roxo is a critically acclaimed filmmaker, writer, entrepreneur and mentor currently residing in LA. She recently co-founded Moon Club with Ruby Warrington (founder of the Numinous) and has been featured in Well + Good, Nylon,  Out Magazine and more.

MY MYSTICAL LIFE: GOODBYE 2016, IT’S BEEN REAL

Posted on by Ruby Warrington

Brand new sweats, getting sober curious in London, walking the human tightrope, and saying “goodbye 2016″…

Ruby Warrington My Mystical Life Broome St Temple gold sweatshirt The Numinous
Meeting different versions of me, and staying cozy in our new Broome St. Temple sweatshirt…

:: MONDAY ::
Got interviewed by badass yogi Guru Jagat for her RaMa Radio show “Reality Riffing,” which was really kinda cool because usually I’m the one interviewing people! And luckily the moon was in Gemini and I was feeling extra chatty. We got through a bunch of stuff about spiritual activism, walking the wellness talk, and how “being in a human body feels like walking a tightrope right now” (her metaphor, but who isn’t feeling this one??). But guess what? Maybe the tightrope is the only way across the abyss. In which case, let’s keep calm, clear, centered, and never quit cheering each other on. You can listen to the full interview here.

:: TUESDAY ::
First virtual Full Moon ritual for our Moon Club members, and we had people attend from Belfast in Ireland, Toronto, London, Mexico, and all over the United States. YES, this community is global! Since this week’s Gemini Full Moon was the last full moon of 2016, it has felt like a good week to take stock of a year that has brought so many harsh lessons, so much anguish (the tightrope, remember?), and, as a result, such tremendous opportunity for growth. What have you been through this year, and who have you become? This was the theme of Alexandra Roxo’s moving guided meditation, in which we journeyed to meet the different “selves” of 2016, and ask for their lessons, and their blessings. Intrigued? New members can access a recording of the session via the private Moon Club Facebook group any time you sign up.

:: WEDNESDAY ::
Finalizing details for Club SÖDA NYC, the new name for my “sober curious” Club Soda events—which I am bringing to London on January 11 due to popular demand! And speaking of previous selves…when I left my home town five years ago for a new life in NYC, I was a full-on party girl, using alcohol and other drugs as a way to bridge the fulfillment gap (the abyss…?) that has since been bridged by creating The Numinous, and all the offshoot projects of this platform. London is also the kind of town where saying you don’t drink is often met with eye rolls and extreme pressure to “just have one,” followed by intense gossiping about how you must be a) in AA, or b) pregnant.

Off The Rocks sober curious event London The Met Bar Ruby Warrington The Numinous

So to say I’m apprehensive about how my new attitude to booze will go down, is kind of an understatement. But it seems that even in the UK, the conversation is changing. Ever since I announced the launch of Club Soda on this side of the pond, I have received messages from Brits asking me to bring the events to the UK—”because we really need something like this.” Not to mention loads of newly sober (and sober curious) friends offering to help me stage a London event. Which means…it’s happening! Read more and get your ticket here.

 

:: THURSDAY ::
New sweatshirts, new sweatshirts! A couple of months back, Urban Yogis co-founder Eddie Stern approached me with the idea of creating a limited edition print of his Broome St. Temple tees (worn by people like, oh, Russell Brand and MADONNA). The Temple was Eddie’s iconic ashtanga studio in Soho, which he vacated earlier this year to set up the equally beautiful Brooklyn Yoga Club—the tees a riff on the logo for punk band The Ramones. Our version? Went went kinda glam with gold foil! As with our Chakra and Vinyasa shirts, a percentage of proceeds will  go to the Urban Yogis, to help fund the amazing work they do bringing peace to marginalized communities in the city. You can check them out and shop the collection here.

Broome St. Temple sweatshirts Eddie Stern The Numinous

:: FRIDAY ::
And speaking of Madonna, if you didn’t already then please, please watch her acceptance speech for the Billboard Woman of The Year award she collected this week. So many truths, such powerful vulnerability, and what a fearless statement about the need for true sisterhood. But above all a reminder, fitting in the final days of 2016, that: “in life there is no real safety, except self-belief.” The tightrope is real. You’d better believe.

MEET TAMARA EDWARDS OF THE BE HIVE

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

The BE Hive is a unique space for spiritual exploration in the heart of Hollywood. Alexandra Roxo talks plant meds and conscious entrepreneurship with founder Tamara Edwards…

The BE Hive founder Tamara Edwards LA interview by Alexandra Roxo for The Numinous

Part of mine and Ruby’s mission with Moon Club is to meet people who are killing it at business but with a foot on the ground and an eye on the cosmos. People whose work is also of service to humanity. Which led me to Tamara Edwards, founder of The BE Hive in LA, a new space that combines wellness and workshops with co-working space and even accommodation. I love it so much, I now work out of there twice a week!

I decided to ask Tamara about the why and the how behind the project, because I know first hand that creating a business from the ground up is so so much work! As such, us spiritual entrepreneurs absolutely have to stick together, share, and inspire each other, as we create a new paradigm around money, community, and work.

ALEXANDRA ROXO: What’s your background and what led you to this work?
TAMARA EDWARDS: I grew up in a meditating household. My dad is an M.D and a practicing Ayurvedic physician and learned Transcendental Meditation (TM) from Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in the 1970’s, which allowed me to witness first-hand the transformational power of meditation from a very young age.

Over three years ago, my own practice led to me I founding The BE Society, a nomadic meditation group that gathers in myriad locations globally. And in 2016 I opened The BE Hive, an Urban Sanctuary in Hollywood, where groups and individuals can meditate, stay, and engage in other consciousness related activities and services. Now, alongside my career as a film producer, I travel internationally sharing meditation with private individuals, companies and even film crews.

AR: Oh dang. No wonder I like you. We both work in film and are conscious businesses owners. Amazing! So, how did the idea for the BE Hive come about?
TE: The idea came during a stay in a beautiful empty NY Soho loft. This particular space inspired the vision, but the concept was a natural evolution of The BE Society. The BE Hive is our sanctuary, a sustainable, eco-friendly sacred hub for practitioners to facilitate deep healing and share ancient knowledge and tools for expanding consciousness in a fresh way. There’s also a focus on plant medicine.

AR: What makes it different than other spots in LA?
TE: Blending hospitality, community and plant medicine healing has not been done like this before. Our current physical space is also the oldest building in Hollywood. We have 15 + rooms to play with. We are the only space in LA that provides accommodation with a strong intention for expanding consciousness, building community, creating deep connection, facilitating healing, and providing transformational tools.

The BE Hive LA founder Tamara Edwards interview The Numinous

AR: Why the plant medicine focus, and how does this fit with your other offerings?
TE: BE Hive is about expanding consciousness using all tools available—including yoga, meditation, tea, sound, food, science, design, space, movement and plants. I personally study plant medicine, and profound studies have been done over centuries on the power of plant teachers like Ayahuasca as facilitators in healing humans and creating harmony on this planet. Yoga, Meditation and Ayurveda are also ancient and powerful technologies for enlightenment. I see all of these modalities as the master teachers. We are simply here to hold sustainable space for the knowledge to be shared and to blend them into a digestible format for the communities that gather here.

AR: Why is this kind of programming so important in these times?
TE: I believe this kind of healing is what our global family needs and is craving in order to deepen our connection to our souls and our planet. We curate specifically to address these needs. Each workshop leader is brought in intentionally because we have researched and experienced their work and feel guided to share their teachings. Each of these people are providing ancient concepts around nature, culture and gathering, in a fresh, accessible way. We are all about big visions that serve the planet!

AR: What’s in store for The BE Hive in 2017?
TE: We are taking everything to the next level. Expect solar powered energy, urban bee hives, rain barrels, a vertical garden, custom plant products, an amazing array of wellness services facilitated by the best practitioners around, and a new membership program.

AR: How can we go from learning about different spiritual practices to making real changes in the world?
TE: This requires PRACTICE! It’s such a blessing to receive teachings, insights, guidance, and epiphanies. However these things have no merit unless they are paired with intentional action. I ask myself daily—am I talking the talk, or am I walking the talk? How am I or am I not in integrity in this moment? Am I here now or am I here now-ish? 😉 As Gandhi said, the best thing we can do to see the change we wish to see in the world is to BE the change we wish to see in the world. Practice mastery of the self, and the action needed will come effortlessly.

AR: Do you have advice for female entrepreneurs? How did you get your start?
TE: My main advice to anybody is to meditate. Why? Meditation connects us to our soul, which enables us to access our intuition. Our intuition is our most advanced technology. It is our internal GPS system. It helps us to discover our purpose and to trust in ourselves. Being an entrepreneur is all about taking risks, following your gut, and taking leaps into the unknown. We have to learn how to trust ourselves and to continue trailblazing forward. Doubt is our roadblock.

QUICK FIRE Qs
What’s your sign? Capricorn in Western Astrology, Sagittarius in Vedic
Your mantra? I must do what I am afraid to do
Your fave food in LA? Paleo Bread with sprouted almond butter from Erewhon!
Your fave LA retreat or getaway? Sleeping in my friend’s Lotus Belle in Topanga

On December 25th 2016 Kitchari Kitchen sponsored by The BE Hive, Groundworks, & Sweat Theory will be feeding the homeless Christmas morning food and chai from 10am—12pm. Volunteers and donated gifts are welcome. Do discover more about upcoming workshops at The BE Hive visit Thebehive.us

A MESSAGE OF HOPE FROM MIKI AGRAWAL

Posted on by The Numinous

We are so psyched to have Thinx Founder Miki Agrawal for our first Moon Club live Q&A! Here she shares her post-election thoughts for how to change hearts and minds…

Thinx founder Miki Agrawal Moon Club The Numinous

So he won.

As we pick up the pieces in the coming months, either we can continue to create a greater divide and point fingers at the racists, bigots, misogynists, homophobes, and the women who all voted for him (because let’s be honest, I can go on for days about that too), or we can finally start to ask ourselves why is half our country so upset?

This is not about Trump or Hillary, this is about the people who voted.

Maybe we do live in a comfortable bubble and can’t imagine why anyone would vote for a narcissus like Trump. But maybe there are reasons that are simply so far removed from our minds that it’s not even on our radar…Might we be missing something?

I will of course never tolerate racism, bigotry, sexism etc. But we have to look closer at what’s going on—and, more importantly what we can do to bridge the divide.

The day after the election, we held an all-hands team meeting at THINX HQ and we discussed what we can each do as individuals and as a company and we came up with the following:

1. We will not unfriend those that voted for Trump on Facebook but rather choose to have open discourse with them (without the bitch face)(i.e. with true open mindedness)

2. We will go to the red states and host THINX pop-ups there and get to know the people that we may not encounter often and talk taboos. Maybe we can open up their hearts and minds in those convos.

3. We will genuinely listen. Even when it’s infuriating and confusing. I am going to open up my ears and heart to my dad who voted for Trump. We haven’t spoken in a while because of it and I plan to build a bridge over Thanksgiving to really try and understand his side.

At THINX, we are faced with changing hearts and minds every day, talking about the oldest taboo in the world—our period—and sharing a new “period underwear” concept that might be hard to grasp at first (because it’s totally different to what people have known for so long). But we change hearts and minds through education, inspiration and inclusion, and by facing and answering tough questions earnestly asked (yes they really work and yes you feel dry and no they don’t smell and yes, periods are cool because it creates human life and no you shouldn’t be ashamed to discuss it etc).

By just speaking to those who already “get” the blessings of periods (and period underwear), it defeats the whole purpose. We want to change the hearts and minds of those who may NOT get it.

I am not trying to compare periods to what’s going on in our country, but there is an inextricable link to the shame and frustration that we feel all around.

The only way we can create true unity is if we ALL get off our high horses (me included!) and humble ourselves on both sides and listen to each other. And let’s not wait for them to do it first. It always starts with us. Yes we have a right to be angry and scared (I am too, and even more so after seeing who’s on his short list for cabinet members etc), but the best thing we can do is build more good businesses and programs that improve the world, educate people by doing it in a caring, non-condescending way, and participate in the discourse around us positively.

We have a choice. As corny as it sounds, I know deep in my bones that we all want to choose love. It always trumps hate in the end.

In blood we trust.

Discover more about Moon Club, a new monthly mentorship program for spiritual activists, at Moonclub.co. Co-founders Ruby Warrington and Alexandra Roxo will be hosting a LIVE Q&A with Miki Agrawal for Moon Club members on December 9 2016.

HOLY F*CK: A CALL TO EMBRACE OUR HUMANITY

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

It’s time to stop using spirituality as an escape—and embrace our humanity, says Alexandra Roxo…

In times likes these—where we have somehow managed to elect a president with terrifying beliefs and judgements, where Native people are still fighting to protect the Earth while most everyone else walks around trying to protect money—I feel like it’s so obvious. As a culture and a people we need to get out of our heads and into our feet. Into our wombs, our pussies, and THE EARTH.

We’ve become so focused on “success,” making money, how we climb and grow. All masculine principles. All in the mind. Goal oriented. We barely notice when animals become endangered. We forget to talk about climate change.

It’s not our fault, it’s what we were born into: a consumerist, capitalist culture. When I ask my clients about how much time they spend focusing on their sexual energy or creative energy or with their feet on the ground, it PALES in comparison to how much time is spent in the realm of the computer. Money. Capital. Thought. Even meditation. It’s all up, up, up, into the Cloud.

But the way I see it, we need to go down, down, down! Get back into our bodies. And it turns out spirituality, just like work or booze, can become an escape from the pains and earthy work of being human.

Speaking as somebody who can be a spirituality abuser myself, I think it’s time we stop using it as such. Let me tell you a story about why.

***

When I was 13 I had a bad year. 1: I got held down by a bunch of boys and sprayed with red super soaker guns in 30 degree weather while calling me names. I punched one of them and everyone hated me. 2: My bestie’s parents called us out for being gay after she told them we had innocently experimented sexually together and forbade us to be friends anymore. I was DEVASTATED.

So what did I do? I went to church to get SAVED. This was my first bout of checking out of human life by saying: “God I can’t take it down here! Beam me up!” I spoke in tongues, got saved like 100 times. And even wore Abercormbie. (No offense.) My New-Age-psychic-seeing-Angel-lovin-Enya-listening Mom got worried.

Eventually I went back to feeling like I could manage down here. I did theatre, volunteer work/built homes for homeless, wore 4-inch cork wedges to school, flirted with boys, and learned all the dance moves to “Bye Bye Bye.” But my spirituality abuser didn’t go away. I always found some new practice to dive into. Some psychic to look to for the answers.

By age 19 I found myself sitting on a spiritual pedestal feeling like I was “special” and that others “weren’t awake.” While doing an acting exercise in college my teacher called me out in front of the class: “You are using spirituality a mask. It’s keeping you from feeling things and being here. Go back to your seat and come back when you want to be real.” DAMN. I was crushed. But I took her words wisely and went home, cried for about three days, painted, wrote love letters, laughed with friends and gently got down off my spiritual high horse.

It happened again though. Only two years later, after a trauma abroad, I was ready to sign up to be a monastic in a commune in Italy where I had been meditating in caves, sitting on cold stone floors, and wearing communal Cosby sweaters. I renounced sex, alcohol, or anything “of the flesh!” Mom got worried again.

I found my way back to humanity again. But my spiritual extremist rears her head every so often. I see her spending more time reading horoscopes than DOING things that can help. Talking more to other realms than folks in Trader Joe’s. Diving into days of plant medicine ceremonies and shamanic journeys. And avoiding the harsh pains of reality. Any of this sounding familiar?

Alexandra Roxo Holy Fuck Embrace Your Humanity The Numinous

As wonderful as it it to wake at 6am and meditate every day, to read all the articles and check the horoscopes and pull a card from all the decks, I am trying to refrain. In the name of balance.

My aim is to cultivate as much of an EARTH practice as I have a SPIRITUAL one. Which means for every meditation or journey to the spirit realms, I better be doing something here here on Earth. CAUSE I WAS BORN A HUMAN. And the Earth needs me. Head out of phone. Feeling my toes in the dirt. Pussy alive with energy and life force. Does ALL LIFE originate in my brain? NAH, IT’S IN THE PUSS.

***

I don’t think it’s enough to just pray and send love and light to Trump, or anyone for that matter. Pray for peace, yes. For love, yes. But I think we also need to get dirt under our nails and be humble and immerse ourselves in what’s happening out on the streets.

And so I urge you, like I urge ME, to embrace your humanity!

Get in the pub and talk to old Latino men and share food and drink with them.

Instead of reading another self-help book (like me!) go to the rally. Sign up to volunteer. Watch documentaries and educate yourself. Go to open mics and comedy clubs in areas that are new to you and mingle with people who aren’t like you.

Let’s look at how much we’re spending on “spiritual” paraphernalia, and re-balance the books! How about a pole dancing class instead? Donations to planned parenthood? Community gardening?

Let’s admit that we don’t know the answers. It’s not fair to all the other folks who have been working tirelessly for years if we pretend we know how to save the world with our ascension ideas. (I mean would you say that to an 85-year-old Native woman? Nah, probs not.)

And remember. If and when we need a strict practice to get us through a hard time, it will ALWAYS be there. You won’t lose it. Because it’s in you! “Spirit” won’t get angry and turn its back on you. I promise.

But for now the world needs YOU and your humanity. Out there. Off the mountain and in the streets.

I love you.

Moon Club co-founder Alexandra Roxo is a filmmaker and intuitive coach living in LA. Read more about her work at www.alexandraroxo.com and follow her love and sex and life woes and victories on Instagram.

MY MYSTICAL LIFE: SELF-CARE WITH MAINSTREAM MEDIA

Posted on by Ruby Warrington

Skip to Wednesday if you want this week’s BIG MESSAGE about self-care with mainstream media. Clue: please practice extreme caution…

ruby warrington mainstream media self-care The Numinous
Step AWAY from the headlines…and reach out to Mother Nature

:: MONDAY ::
Moon Club launch day! If you didn’t read about it already, this post explains everything you need to know about the new mentoring + coaching program from me and Alexandra Roxo, which we announced tonight on our online ritual for the Taurus Full Moon supermoon. We’d actually put the launch date off several times, and hadn’t really paid too much attention to the fact we would be going live with the project right after the election—but following the events of the last week, our message—which is all about inspiring and activating a new generation of spiritual activists—feels more relevant now than ever.

I was also feeling confident about the potential of this project, thanks to an akashic records reading with amazing Andrea Frade the day right after the election (which will forever be remembered as 11/9, in a bizarre—or not—twist of numerological irony). When I asked my guides, teary-eyed, how the work I am doing with the Numinous could have more impact, and reach the people who need it most, the answer was pretty direct: gather large groups of people, women in particular, and share the tools and wisdom I have learned to help mobilize individuals to act. Which is the mission of Moon Club to a tee. Discover more about Andrea and her work at Andreafrade.com. To learn more about Moon Club and sign up, go to Moonclub.co

:: TUESDAY ::
In times of trauma and overwhelm (anybody?!), while some may turn to Xanax, my first port of call is always Kerri Aab—a.k.a. my flower lady. Which sounds pretty fluffy, ha, I know, but seriously—Kerri’s custom flower remedies have got me through pretty much every major “push” of the past few years. The effect, which builds over a course of weeks, is subtle—kind of like the self-affirming boost you get from a great conversation with a mentor or trusted friend. I wrote in more detail about this here. And after our session today, I also had Kerri write this beautiful piece about how being of service has helped her through the darkest of times. Discover more about Kerri and her work at Seedtoblossom.com

:: WEDNESDAY ::
A long talk with amazing Betsy LeFae—a professional intuitive coach, whose mission is to teach people how to trust our own inner knowing. The main topic of conversation? How it is of utmost importance right now to practice self-care and extreme caution when consuming mainstream media reports on the events that are unfolding post 11/9. YES we need to be informed. But what we really, really, really don’t need is to overdose on sensationalist headlines to the point of paralysis.

Think about the root of that word: sensationalist. As a journalist with almost 20 years working in the mainstream media, the most “successful” stories (the ones which keep readers coming back for more, and advertisers paying big bucks to reach those readers) are the ones that make us feel something (cause a physical “sensation” in our body). And the feeling that will keep people utterly hooked on the content you’re putting out is FEAR.

Get your readers afraid, and the adrenalin spike will trigger the “fight or flight” response, utterly drowning out our connection to the steady and calm inner voice that ALWAYS knows what is best for us. The result? You keep looking for “answers” (those headlines again) from the place which is actually keeping you trapped in fear. And so the cycle continues.

Worse, like the proverbial deer in the headlights, this cycle is also what prevents us from getting OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY of oncoming disaster—versus choosing the next right actions to steer ourselves and our loved-ones (as in like, the whole of humanity) to safety.

But also, we need to be informed. If you have found a credible, reliable news source that sticks to the facts (tricky, since it also feels pretty much like political quicksand out there right now) and presents them in a calm, helpful way, then please comment below! I’m doing my research on this too and will be sharing on our social media channels.

:: THURSDAY ::
Re. above, a word on “fear,” the big, bad wolf of the “spiritual” community. I actually believe that fear is a healthy and useful human emotion like any other. Without fear, we’d likely take all kinds of risks that could prove very detrimental to our wellbeing! But Betsy had another great point, which I was reminded of today when I had my first meeting post 11/9 out in “corporate America”—and witnessed first hand how fearful the majority of the population is right now!

There’s a difference between fear of an actual, physical, threat, and fear of a perceived danger up ahead.

Yes, there appear to be many, MANY, dangerous potential outcomes to the current political situation. But while we wait for the zombies to emerge from the swamp in all their gory glory, let’s do what we can (breath, keep taking the Rescue Remedy, stay away from adrenalin / fear exacerbating substances like coffee and alcohol, disengage as much as possible from sensationalist mainstream media), and keep focussed on the daily actions that our inner knowing knows is best for us and for our communities.

:: FRIDAY ::
Like…practicing utmost vigilance in making consumer choices that are good for us and for the planet, maybe? At the very heart of the current situation, Mother Earth is potentially the biggest loser of all—while we, as her children, will suffer to the extent that she does. Corrupt polititians included!! I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the struggles at Standing Rock have provided a constant backdrop to this entire presidential season—acting as both a mirror and a metaphor for the REAL issues at stake. Corporate greed, embodied, quite literally, by you-know-who, versus the rights of ALL PEOPLE to share in the abundance of Earth (all our home, y’all!)

This weekend I’ll be staked out at Ethikal—an “all good” holiday pop-up market from 1 Hotels, selling our Numinous sweatshirts—of which 10% of sales go to the Urban Yogis (also our partners for our #TuneInPeaceOut event back in September). Today this all feels like a drop in the ocean, considering the potential of what lies ahead. But the way I see it, step-by-step is the only way forward. And it’s when we ALL feel empowered to take the next right steps, that we will make progress together. 

Ethikal holiday market 1 hotels The Numinous

KNOW YOUR STRENGTH: READING FOR THE TAURUS FULL MOON 2016

Posted on by Sandy Sitron

The Taurus Full Moon is here to bring stamina and keep us focussed on the long game, says Sandra Sitron…

Taurus Full Moon Ritual The Numinous
Click here to register for our FREE virtual Taurus Full Moon ritual

TAURUS FULL MOON :: Monday 11/14/16 :: 8.51am EST :: 22 Degrees Taurus

After an election in America that feels to many like a massive step backwards, we seek direction. Amid the chaos, there are many reactions. When considering the election result, many People of Color who have experienced the lifelong effects of racism are not surprised. Many Liberal white people who don’t have to walk this walk on the daily are in shock.

Women, People of Color, the LGBT community, immigrants, Muslims, and the disabled are in need of safe spaces, and are more aware than ever of their vulnerability. The media is back-pedaling and finger-pointing. Pollsters are re-evaluating. Trumpers are thrilled. Republicans who don’t like Trump but voted for him anyway are hopeful and silent.

As a reader of astrology and out-there, old soul, witchy sh*t, I am assuming that you are among the forlorn and aching choir. That, like me, you are seeking understanding, collective and personal healing, and a plan of action. Let’s see if Astrology can help with at least some of these points.

The Taurus Full Moon in Taurus is the first lunation in the wake of the election. As such it is shedding its light on a path forward. During a Full Moon the energies of two opposites meet to bring us awareness of the whole. The meeting of two opposites can feel like a head-on collision, or it can feel like an epiphany. This Taurus Full Moon is illuminated by the full light of the Sun in the opposite sign of Scorpio.

***

The Taurus Full Moon and it’s Message
Peeling an orange.
We are working to get to the sweet fruit that is inside. There is a bitter rind. We must keep peeling. Keep working. Keep taking off the layers to get closer to the truth. Keep sustaining ourselves with sweetness. Keep nurturing. Keep taking care of our bodies, and keep diving deep into our emotions.

TAURUS is your strength; your body, your resources, your self-worth. SCORPIO is union; your strength melded with another person’s strength. Emotional, spiritual and physical. Both signs are Fixed. They show us the value of persistence. They remind that we must keep digging in to achieve progress.

The Taurus Full Moon is helping us know our strength, to unite, and to keep our eyes on the long game.

A deeper look at the signs at play.

TAURUS is the sign that rules our material world. It is our body, house and resources. It is our natural talents. Taurus teaches us how to stay alive AND that we deserve to be alive (because our talents are of value). This sign yearns to impart the wisdom of abundance. When Taurus is afflicted, it can cause us to fear scarcity until we remember our inherent worth. Taurus done right is as steady and stable as bedrock. The strength of Taurus comes from it’s championing of value; value of body and value of self.

SCOPRIO is yours and mine together. Scorpio is merging. Union. Scorpio reaches out to understand the emotions of the other person. Because of this inter-personal sharing of emotions. Scorpio rules both control and letting go. It can be hard to surrender control for the purpose of emotional, physical, and spiritual union. But the wisdom of Scorpio teaches that we must. You must let go so that you are light enough to move into the next stage of your evolution. One of Scorpio’s symbols is the Phoenix rising out of the ashes. Scorpio reminds us that there must be destruction before we can break open to progress.

When the Taurus understanding of self-worth and abundance is intact, Scorpio is secure enough to easily let go of competitive control and merge. This is the gestalt of the two signs.

The Taurus Full Moon reminds us that if we want to evolve, we must do both Taurus and Scorpio well.

We can do the Taurus things. We can believe in our own personal strength. We can own our part in this, by taking responsibility for our thoughts, words and actions. We must use our resources to create positive change. We must use our bodies to resist. We must build safe-houses for people who need physical, emotional or psychological shelter. We must defend everyone’s right to material security and abundance.

And we can do the Scorpio things…We can reach out to understand another person’s emotional and psychological perspective. We can look into the eyes of the murderer and see the humanity within. We can gaze boldly into our shadow. We can let go of control and feel our feelings. We can notice if fear is encouraging us to be controlling. We can forgive when we are ready.

We can be the Phoenix rising out of the ashes.

***

Taurus Full Moon Semi-Sextile Uranus
Stepping stones leading across a flooding river.
There is quick movement, changes are happening within all of us on microscopic levels. We must be very aware of change. We must remember that there is a flow of progress. Sometimes this flow comes so erratically that it feels as if we are drowning. It can be hard to see further down the river. The Moon in Taurus wants us to stay the course and Uranus in Aries asks us to jump ship in search of a better way. Find your leadership within yourself. Find your true course. It is the course of your heart. Follow that river loyally, even if the destination is unknown and the waters are choppy.

Taurus Full Moon Sextile Chiron
Pulling up buckets of well water.
A healing is welling up from deep within. As the puss of our wounded nation pools around us, so does the healing salve become available. We could never move forward without seeing clearly the ills of our society. The wounds of our history have festered. We must now make a thorough examination, and through this practice, heal ourselves. The only folly comes from refusing to look. In a safe and quiet space, ask yourself what you are refusing to see. Make this query into a prayer.

***

Below are suggested areas of self-inquiry for each sign. If you know what house in your birth chart 22 degrees Taurus is in, also read for that house.

Aries or 2nd House
What is the one thing on which you know you want to take a stand? How can you use your natural talents to do so?

Taurus or 1st House
What have you struggled with that you’ve learned how to master? This is something that makes you unique. Can you see yourself guiding others to master this same struggle?

Gemini or 12th House
What have you been refusing to see when it comes to your relationships? Your wellbeing at soul level? The world around you?

Cancer or 11th House
What are your hopes and dreams for the future? Can you add more detail to the picture? Who can you reach out to?

Leo or 10th House
Do you feel empowered to have the career of your dreams? If not, what belief stands in your way? How is this belief keeping you playing small?

Virgo or 9th House
Research a philosophical perspective that can guide you and soothe you. Write down what speaks to you and keep this piece of paper in a place where you’ll see it often.

Libra or 8th House
Are there any feelings that you have been stubbornly holding onto? Is there room for movement now around this issue?

Scorpio or 7th House
Finish the sentence “A relationship is…” fifteen times. Write it down in list form.
A relationship is _______________
A relationship is _______________
A relationship is _______________ (etc.)
Notice what different words and ideas come to mind when you contemplate what relationship means to you.

Sagittarius or 6th House
Can you pinpoint the potential cause of overwhelm in your life? Write a list of simple things you can do to address this, and commit to tackling one per day.

Capricorn or 5th House
Experiment with different mediums for self-expression. Write a blog post or record an Instagram story about what’s in your heart.

Aquarius or 4th House
What would you say to your inner child? Write some ideas down. If any feel like positive affirmations, read them out loud to yourself before you go to sleep.

Pisces or 3rd House
Collect facts that can help you ease your mind. As you consume media and news, ask if what you are taking in is improving your mindset.

Want more wisdom? Book a reading with Sandra here or follow her on Instagram.

HOLY F*CK: LIVE AT THE MOTHERSHIP FESTIVAL

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

Ahead of her appearance at the MOTHERSHIP festival in Joshua Tree, Alexandra Roxo chats to founder Laura Wise about feminism, kundalini, and kink…

Mothership festival joshua tree on The Numinous

High vibe festivals are everywhere. From Wanderlust to Symbiosis to Spirit Weavers—there’s a festival for ever breed of seeker. Or is there? MOTHERSHIP—happening November 4-6th in Desert Hot Springs, CA—is unique in that it’s feminist AND queer AND spiritual. You can do yoga , celebrate sacred adornments, and then go to a Kink workshop. Amazing, right?

I sat down with the founder (who is also an activist and therapist) Laura Wise to get the deets.

ALEXANDRA ROXO: What can we really expect at a festival like MOTHERSHIP?
LAURA WISE: Women are so typically the caretakers. It is engrained in us to be sweet/kind/giving and that is why self-care is so important. Mothership is full of healing elements and ways to explore your spiritual side. Sierra Dowd is running a “Circle of Release” exercise in which participants can work to release negative aspects of their lives. We have reiki healers, chakra aligning yoga, punk rock yoga, meditation, nature hikes, stargazing (there will actually be a meteor shower during this time!) and lot’s more…

AR: How did the idea for Mothership emerge?
LW: MOTHERSHIP is the event I’ve always wanted to attend. After visiting some pretty magical festivals and gatherings and learning that the pool of women’s festivals is teeny-tiny and nearly extinct, I knew that this was a need I wanted to meet. Women thrive when we unite and work together. We learn from each other and we empower one another. I knew that if I created something fun—with a side of empowerment—there would be an audience for that. This is the era of a fresher, more inclusionary feminism, and I really want to have a hand in building that.

Mothership festival joshua tree Founder Laura Wise on The Numinous

AR: How is it different from other female-focussed festivals or retreats?
LW: One thing I knew was crucial in the creation of MOTHERSHIP was that it was trans and gender-queer inclusive. If you take a look back at the history of women’s festivals—the most established being the Michigan Womyn’s Festival which ended several years ago—there was a clash in new and old thinking. They didn’t allow trans women to attend and the younger generation wasn’t okay with that. We wanted to correct that and update the idea of a women’s festival.

AR: What kinda gal is your typical attendee?
LW: She doesn’t exist! The MOTHERSHIP crowd is  diverse and forward-thinking. But our participants all have an appreciation for idea exchange, art and letting loose. We have a lot of interesting, smart women involved and the thing I’m most excited about is seeing all of these great minds culminate & celebrate!

AR: What are your wildest hopes for the weekend?
LW: My personal goal is that everyone leaves with a little less shame and self-doubt, and a little more personal pride. I hope that MOTHERSHIP can serve as a reminder to us all to celebrate & empower the women around us. I hope that the gal who thought the event sounded fun, and didn’t know much about feminism, leaves saying “yeah I’m a feminist and I have every right to be proud of that.”

Mothership festival joshua tree on The Numinous

AR: Any must-see workshops?
LW: Gosh I really want to brag about everyone involved, I am stunned at the level of awesome-ness!  We have a lot of unique workshops happening, including a self-adornment area with tons of free costumes, accessories and body paint/glitter etc. paired with a Self-Love Photographer, to help you get just the right photo to document your experience. There’s also an intro to kink and BDSM sex workshop, which I know a lot of people are curious about. Late-night we will be having a silent disco…and then there’s the musical lineup—which is also pretty epic!

 

PLUS our very own Numi Alexandra Roxo will be speaking on Saturday night at the HER Talk: Women’s Sexuality in the Media panel. Get your tickets at this link—Numinous readers get 10% off with the code “MOON”!

HOLY F*CK: HOLDING SPACE FOR MY SHADOW SELF

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

“Just like our sexual self don’t have much space to roam in this world, neither does our shadow self…” says Alexandra Roxo.

Which is a mask, which is a shadow, and which is my truth?]
Which is a mask, which is a shadow, and which is my truth?

Last week in my Holy F*ck salon I felt a heaviness as we gathered on the call, and so I asked: “How many of us are in pain today?” To which everyone replied: “Me.” Some quietly, some more boldly. We were about to do a round of storytelling around transcendental orgasms, but instead I decided: “Fuck talking orgasms today. Let’s talk shame. Sorrow. Rage.’”

I myself was in the deep throes of having let my shadow out to speak her voice at Burning Man, having been silenced for months. I’d literally called on my WHOLE healing team to help me process the experience. Coach Perri Gorman. Intuitive wizard Luke Simon. Michael Ventura, who’s been working with me on this for three years! And a psychologist I met at Burning Man, Justin Hartery.  Plus all my besties. LIKE WHOA IT TAKES A VILLAGE, and I’m so grateful I have help when I need it.

Somewhere during Eclipse season, at the Temple on the “playa”, some old wounds had gotten a fresh surface scrape. As a result I was oozing blood onto everything in my life. And as my wounds and the wounds of all the ladies of the salon were given a voice on that call, I realized—just like our sexual selves don’t have much space to roam in this world, neither do our shadow selves. But when they come knocking we have to answer.

We put on happy faces left and right and keep our shadow tucked away. We don’t want to “be a downer” at a party. So we tuck those feelings away. They get judged, while the “positive” feelings get center stage. Sometimes these are the shadow itself behind a clever mask, and sometimes the positive feeling is holding its hand over the “negative” one, creating a carefully curated dialogue.

“Who, me? No! I’m not insanely horny today! I’m great! Been meditating and doing Bikram!”  Or….”I’m fine! I’m not grieving the fact my dad forgot my birthday for the 18th year in a row. I’m a grown up. I should be over it by now, right?”

We walk around as if “doing okay” and “keeping it together” are badges that will earn us Love and Life Merits. We live by “shoulds.” I “should” be grateful. I ‘should” be strong (p.s. I have eliminated SHOULD from my vocab and I challenge you to do the same).

One shadow that surfaced in the salon was the overwhelming shame of being single. Of showing up to weddings and dinner parties alone. Of having people ask you, “Are you seeing anyone?” before asking about your work, your passions, your friends.

Another that floated into our call was about being in your 30’s and having your parents still supporting you. Many women I love deeply are supported by their families as adults, and since society says this is wrong, it creates yet more shame. When in truth their tribe is caring for them.

On the flip-side, another of my own shadows has been wearing the “Independent Woman” costume (ahem armor) that serves me so well at times, but had become hard to pull off, creating a tough barrier to deeper connections and vulnerability’—until it got ripped off at Burning Man that is.

As we gave these feelings a voice, they were like orphaned children being held tightly for the first time in a long time. How beautiful it was to each other say: “I pretend it’s okay. But I’m in pain.” As we each cried, the rest of us just listened. And I got to thinking…

What if we did this at dinner parties? What if we could eschew some of the socialization that keeps us separate and lonely by keeping these feelings—our truths—hidden away? And what if when I said: “I just feel ugly today”—instead of you replying, “Girl, you’re beautiful!” you just honored my feeling?

What if we just held space for that feeling like two wild witches on a Full Moon in the woods, and watched her fly around the room until she disappeared out the window and into the stars to be at home with all the other parts of our souls? And then we ate spaghetti with marinara sauce until it made our lips red, and talked about where we want to travel before we die and danced to Bowie.

Dancing with my shadows at Burning Man
Dancing with my shadows at Burning Man

How about we reclaim old rituals for honoring the shadows together, and make some new ones of our own? How about I just listen as you speak every fear to me…and I don’t try to fix them. I don’t offer you a solution. I don’t tell you “Everything is going to be okay.” I just hear you and see you and witness you and hold you.

After all, we came here to be wild. We came to make “mistakes.” We came to try things and fail. We came to let our hearts be smashed to bits and to carefully sew them back together. We came for glory. And we came for failure.

They tell us to keep it neat and pretty. To “be the light.” But your shadow is your asset. When you hide her away you teeter along as a half version of yourself, dragging a corpse of old, half-acknowledged feelings around. And so next time shame or grief comes calling, answer her. Make her a temple. Throw her a party. Give her center stage for once.

Will the shadow start running the ship? Most likely not. But if this fear exists, then create a container for these feelings. If you know rage could cause chaos, then take her moshing at a concert. Or give her a punching bag at a boxing gym.

In my Holy F*ck salon that day, I made a pledge to my group and we made a pledge to ourselves:

“When you cry I promise not to comfort you. I promise not to usher away your feelings with my ideas of what’s “right” and “wrong.” When you scream, I promise not to shush you and tell you it’s going to be okay. I’ll admit I don’t know if it will be, but I’ll listen and stand tall with you, and be by your side.”

I pledge this to you now and welcome you to share this with the people you call tribe.

This column is dedicated to those Wild Women and Men who are willing to go there with me and grieve and mourn and rage and laugh and cry and dream with me. Who don’t shut me out when things get ugly, and who aren’t afraid to get down and dirty in the name of growth and change. You know who you are.

Alexandra Roxo is a Spiritual + Creative Mentor, Writer, and Filmmaker living in LA.  Find out more on alexandraroxo.com and instagram.com/alexandraroxo/

MY MYSTICAL LIFE: AN INVITATION TO CHOOSE PEACE, EVERY DAY

Posted on by Ruby Warrington

Our #TuneInPeaceOut initiative is an invitation to choose peace, every day and in every way…

always choose peace ruby warrington the numinous

:: MONDAY ::
Got to see Deepak “the don” Chopra speak live for the first time, at the launch of his Radical Beauty book with nutritionist Kimberly Snyder. TOTALLY get why he is who he is. The charisma! The effortless way with a deeply spiritual insight! A fave takeaway were his quotes about our relationship to our bodies: “Your body is an activity, not a thing. It’s not a sculpture it’s a river.” And how, since our cells are in a continual process of rejuvenation: “I’ve had this jacket longer than the body I’m wearing today.”

:: TUESDAY ::
Another day, another book about feeding our body right with Nicole Centeno’s Soup Cleanse Cookbook. Nicole is the founder of Splendid Spoon, one of our sponsors at Club SÖDA NYC, and she’s all about the healing power of soup. As Nicole tells it, souping changed her life (a low-calorie way to stay fuller for longer, the mindfulness of making soup, AND a totally practical way to cook and eat big batches of seasonal veg). All I really need to know is, my body just sort of gives me a big, cozy hug from the inside just looking at some of her recipes—which feels like an intuitive “yes” to a lot more souping this fall to me.

Juquille, Eddie, Jaytaun, Tyrell and Raheem of the Urban Yogis choose peace ruby warrington The Numinous #tuneinpeaceout
With Juquille, Eddie, Jaytaun, Tyrell and Raheem of the Urban Yogis, and Erica and Prince of Life Camp.

:: WEDNESDAY :: (Lots to say here, you might want to go make a cup of tea first…)
So roughly three weeks ago, I had the idea for #TuneInPeaceOut—an initiative to celebrate the UN’s International Day of Peace. This following some work I did with my coach Cherie Healey, when I was thinking about the big, underlying message of The Numinous. “If I gave you the loudest megaphone in the world, and put you on top of the highest mountain, what would you say to the world?” she asked. The words came immediately: “Can everybody just stop fighting. We’re all human. We all have the same needs, and the same fears. Please can we remember that we’re here to help each other work it out?”

Because essentially (besides me just being a massive pacifist), all the practices, philosophies, and ways of healing that we cover on The Numinous are about forging a deeper connection to our true nature—and therefore a deeper sense of connection to ourselves, and to each other. Two things I believe are fundamental to any conversation about creating more peace in our (inner and outer) world. This since a) connection to self is what fosters the resilience needed to respond to life’s trials in a calm, non-reactive way; and b) it becomes pretty much impossible to want to harm somebody once you recognize that we are all part of one big human family!

And then “Summer 2016” happened. Week after week we were slammed with reminders of the rampant divisiveness, hatred and violence in our world right now, and often stemming from a place of separation, of “us” v. “them.” Which is not exactly anything new. Bombings, shootings, rape, hate crimes, and other acts of terrorism are happening all over the world, every day. But what struck me was the emotional charge in the way we responded to the events of this summer. How personally we all took each heart-wrenching episode of violence and injustice.

I think this is because we’ve reached a tipping point in how we consume our news. It used to be that we first heard of such inhumane acts as mass shootings and racist police brutality from people in suits, reading from scripts, in newsrooms far away. Now, this information first reaches us via our social media feeds—the same place we connect with our family and friends, and share our own lives with those we love. As a result, it has become impossible not to empathize with the people being violated against as we would our own brothers and sisters, parents, friends, and colleagues. The veil of separation dissolves…and we are reminded that we are all part of one big human family.

And with this, comes the remembrance that it is all of our responsibility to look out for one another. To speak up. Literally. Like, “WTF, that’s not how we do things in THIS family!!” No matter how scary, or how uncomfortable this might feel. And to take whatever (non-violent!) action we can to change up the status quo.

The above is pretty much how I introduced my event in NYC for #TuneInPeaceOut, which ended up being one of 20 or so IRL gatherings held by the Numinous tribe globally. Earlier in the day I also hosted a live webinar with Bri Luna from The Hoodwitch and my dear friend and collaborator Alexandra Roxo (you can listen to the recording here), in which we spelled out what this initiative is really all about—empowering all of us to use our voice and take action to choose peace, and help create more peaceful communities from the ground up.

After all, as a friend in the UK pointed out on one of my posts about #TuneInPeaceOut, since it was inaugurated in 1981, it would not appear that the UN’s International Day of Peace has actually done much to end—or even lessen—violence. Since September 21 was subsequently declared a day of of ceasefire and non-violence in 2001, US military spending has increased dramatically—rising from under $400 billion to almost $800 billion in 2011 (there has been a slight drop during Obama’s presidency, but spending is projected to increase again in 2017). I see this as yet another reminder that it is actually on YOU AND ME to demand a different way of resolving conflict. That the power, truly, must be claimed by the people.

This message is why I partnered with the amazing Urban Yogis for my event tonight, since here are some people who are walking the freaking talk. Based in Jamaica, Queens, a neighborhood where violent street crime fueled by prejudice and lack of opportunity is a way of life, the courageous and progressive human beings behind this initiative are bringing the tools of yoga and meditation into their local community. The results? Less reactivity. Less violence. More listening. Increased feelings of self-worth, leading to more empowered and empowering lifestyle choices.

And, most importantly, the slow chipping away of stereotypes (about the “kind of people” who do yoga, for example—or who perpetrate violent crimes) that are the sick, Monsanto seed of so much separation, fear, and hate.

“Real change needs all year round effort, not just a day,” my friend noted. And I could not agree more. Which is why it is my sincere hope that the conversations sparked by #TuneInPeaceOut will continue today, tomorrow, and every day going forward. That we will continue to choose peace every step of the way. On our webinar, we asked people to share what this looked like in their lives, and what they do to bring more peace to their communities, so we could all be inspired by each others efforts. I’ve created a post with the transcript from our chat. Check it out here—and add your feedback in the comments, so we can keep the conversation alive.

choose peace oracle card doreen virtue on The Numinous

:: THURSDAY ::
Pulled the above card in a mini meeting oracle deck reading with my girl Lisa Barner. Thanks for listening, angels.

:: FRIDAY ::
And all that said, with the Moon in Cancer today, sign of nurture and self-care, I shall be mainly tuning in…and peace’ing out.

HOLY F*CK: IS MODERN DATING ALL ABOUT SECOND BEST?

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

Is second best enough when it comes to modern dating? Alexandra Roxo breaks her six-month self-love and celibacy regime to find out…

alexandra roxo holy fuck second best the numinous

Over sushi last Friday with my friend Kristina, she suggested that perhaps it was time for me to dip a toe back in the dating game. I’d taken a six month break from sex and dating in the name of self-love and self growth, and, Jesus, that felt like long enough. But as Kristina recounted her latest dating exploits, I wanted to run for the hills—a.k.a. bury myself back in Doreen Virtue videos in my muumuu, with nothing but some Coconut Bliss in bed with me!

Okay, so maybe dating isn’t all that bad. I have a handful of friends that have found their “life partners” in the past year. Hopelessly in love. Soul mate status. One couple met on Tinder. One at Burning Man. Two other friends who just passed a decade met their loves out with friends, and just felt instantly “at home.” And these couples keep me full of hope.

But the rest of us perhaps fall into two categories:

-Those of us in a string of casual romances, engaging with people that seem exciting but just aren’t available or right.

-Or those of us sitting it out and waiting/minding our own business (a.k.a. dancing and having fun and meditating and sometimes feeling bored and starved of love).

So what’s best while searching for true love? Keeping on dating people who don’t seem “in it to win to it” (i.e. are always busy, “wanna keep it chill” and “low pressure with no commitment” blah blah) Or waiting it out? I feel like the easiest thing when it comes to modern day dating and sex is to accept what’s there: perhaps someone hot and fun who meets some of our needs, but not all. Especially since: “You can’t have it all.” Right?

Last week in our first Holy F*ck salon I heard a lot of this. Women accepting half loves. Or a morsel of connection. Or a lot of drunk sex with regretful mornings but fun nights. I’ve talked to friends too who are torn about this. We ponder “Should I go on casual dates? Spend that time on dating apps? Is it worth it if you know your heart’s not in it and neither is theirs?”

I’d been a serial monogamist for ten whole years, and last year upon being single and freshly in Los Angeles I found myself busy but not really satisfied. There was the hot writer who was in a failing open relationship (a.k.a. still in love with someone) but who would stare into my eyes with such passion when we had sex and orgasmed in tandem, and put cinnamon in my coffee.

Then there was the high school teacher who wanted to be called “Daddy” in bed and didn’t tell me he was engaged until date four. The friend of six years who professed his love and then confessed he had a new girlfriend. The Hollywood director who wined and dined me and wrote a part based on my life in his T.V. show, and then mentioned casually on date three he was in an open relationship of two years after ordering me an Uber town car home.

Not forgetting the famous musician who told me he wanted to meet my mom and refused to wear condoms, and who my friend saw on a dating app the next day. All. Unavailable. (And three out of five of these men meditate daily and do plant medicine or Buddhist retreats btw!)

There were women too. And at least they were more forthcoming and told me on date two they were just in it for fun casual vibes or what not. But overall it was a lot of kiiiiinda fun things that didn’t add up to one great thing.

alexandra roxo holy fuck modern dating the numinous

So when I met someone earlier this year mid dating cleanse, who seemed amazing and into me, but who was also in an open relationship, I was like “Nope! I wanna be someone’s number 1!” I’ve had plentya number 2 status in the last year, and I honestly don’t know how I got demoted. So I also said: “Let’s be friends.”

But yes, I’m currently back to dating. And there I am, naked in a bed in a state of post orgasmic bliss, that cool Los Angeles breeze sweeping through the room, after a day having my feet massaged by the very same previously mentioned person. Because after six months of celibacy, I’ve somehow I’ve managed to I convince myself I can adjust my needs and be more progressive—a.k.a. share my lover with his two to three other lovers.

And then he stepped away to take a call. The primary partner of five years. Oh yeah…right. The magic spell lifted and I was reminded of the bigger picture. I was not Queen Bee.

This Rumi quote has echoed in my ears for over a decade: “A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.”

And I’ve decided this is true, for me. And that it applies to EVERYTHING. Not just love, but work. Friendships. Sometimes something is so close, but just not 100% right. And if you say yes to it anyway, you’re telling your self that you will always settle for less. Worse, in lowering your standards, you could also miss that the thing you really want because now you’re vibrating at a half mast frequency.

As my new friend Andi reminded me on the beach last week: “If it’s not a hell YES it’s a NO!”

When you’re hungry for something, sometimes it’s hard to resist whatever comes along that’s almost what you want. It’s like you know that it’s not quite going to satisfy you, but you eat it anyway—then wish you’d waited for what you really want. And yes, sometimes healthy compromise is key—and only YOU can decipher where the line in the sand gets drawn.

Since my recent experience of making a commitment to loving my SELF, I’ve also found myself inspired and in love with art, nature, friends, my work, all of it. As I was up late the other night, deep in celebration of this, I found this quote by Bjork, whom I’ve loved since I was 18:

“I never really understood the word ‘loneliness’. As far as I was concerned, I was in an orgy with the sky and the ocean, and with nature.”

I hope whether single or attached you can commit to finding your own inner orgy—and I believe that from this place it’s impossible to accept half loves, or half jobs, or half friends. You just smile and wink and mosey along if it doesn’t feel right. And by holding space for the most magnificent YOU, all the other stuff will just begin to filter in.

Alexandra offers one on one mentorship and coaching and her Holy F*ck group salon, which was just featured in Amuse/i-d Magazine. The next session of the Holy F*ck salon will begin September 6th for 6 weeks of chatting/deconstructing/and tuning in around love, sex and spirituality. Sign up here!

HOLY F*CK: RELATIONSHIPS AS A PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

In her latest Holy F*ck column, Alexandra Roxo finds herself on the path to enlightenment with relationships coach Perri Gorman…

Holy fuck relationships as path to enlightenment perri gorman alexandra roxo on The Numinous
Lettin’ my hair go full Leo in the Croatian sun…

I met Perri Gorman when someone who I had met once messaged me on Facebook and was like: “I think you would like this teacher.” Perri was leading something called a “Relationship Detox,” and it DID seem appropriate, since I had decided to take a six month break from sex, dating, alcohol and drugs to focus on my healing. But then again, randoms send me FB messages all the time so I couldn’t be sure.

When I got Perri on the phone she was INTENSE. I’m an intense woman too, so when I come head to head with another of my kind I can adopt a “been there done that” attitude. Like, “Oh yeah, I’m not afraid to look at my shadows. I do it all the time.” And “Um duh. I’ve done the work.” But somehow she convinced me to sign up for her class. And it was the best gift ever. She called me out on places I had been hiding from my truth and still living from deep rooted childhood fears. (Ugh when does it end????!) At the end of the class I felt palpable changes. Like major shifts. Like, I had looked at all of my uglies in the face and hugged them and given them space to, well…turn into butterflies. Cheesy, yes, but true!

I sat down with Perri to try and understand this alchemical process a little deeper.

Alexandra Roxo: Your website says “TRANSFORMATION IS NOT OPTIONAL” in huge letters which kinda freaks me out but in a good way. Why did you choose that?
Perri Gorman: It’s a bit of a story. When I was living in Hong Kong back in 2007 my life felt like Ground Hog’s day. I had actually hit a certain level of success, but I was like “Is this IT? Like, Is THIS my life?” I had a magnet on my refrigerator that was my savior, which said: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Oh, I must be in a cocoon I used to think. This part sucks. But just hang in there! After my life began to transform (longer story), my online moniker became and still is Bethebutterfly, and the butterfly is my inspirational creature.

Later, I went to a lecture by someone who was also fascinated by the life of the butterfly. She told a story of going to a butterfly farm and asking the keeper; “Does the caterpillar have a choice?” The answer was no. They either transform or they die. It’s not optional. And in this life, I think it is similar for us. Sounds grim but the stakes are really that high.

AR: I agree, and I also feel like the world needs transformation more than ever. Which is what I experienced on your relationship detox course. It’s hard for me to describe how you work though. It’s alchemy! Can you explain?
PG: Well, I am a guide and I create experiences. I walk people down a path that I have been down to and experienced transformation myself. If I haven’t been able to personally alchemize it (whatever “it” might be) I don’t create the experience. Rather than teaching, I help my students facilitate this in themselves. This part is really important. Often if you just “tell” people something, then either the Ego rejects it and can’t hear it—or the Ego hears it, rejects it and turns on you in the process! So in order to stun the ego, you have to guide the spirit and let the “aha” moments come naturally.

Each person has a different speed at which they transform, too. Mine was REALLY slow—partly because I had so much pain inside, it wasn’t safe for it to come out all at once. It was a process. Think of it like detoxing from chemicals. Since your body stores toxins in your fat cells, it won’t actually LET you lose weight too fast if you are toxic because it would poison the body. Awakening is similar. There is a massive pain body that you need to work through in order to open fully.

With the Relationship Detox specifically, it is designed to reframe your entire experience with relationships and have you see the divine messages that meant for you in each experience. By going through the process you are able to let go of behavior that is no longer serving you and choose something new.

Holy fuck relationships as path to enlightenment perri gorman alexandra roxo on The Numinous
Perri Gorman: relationships guru

AR: In the moments you’re coaching me I always start “strong” and then you get in there and crack me open. How do you always manage to do that?!
PG: I think a big part of my work is feeling “you” underneath the “strong,” which is usually a defense mechanism. It’s there to say “yeah I’m cool, nothing to see here, keep moving!” But if you listen closely there is another voice in there saying, “Hey! Don’t listen to her! I’m in here!”

My work is not for the faint of heart as you know, and I think it’s unique because I live it deeply myself. I am not perfect or enlightened but I have a deep deep practice of looking at my own stuff in every situation. I have unwound some really complex and tricky (and not so attractive) patterns in myself, so I can see the patterns more easily than others in many cases. So if you are like me and you have patterns that fog or trick other people, you come to me and I slice the head off that puppy and you feel so much better!

AR: So how is a relationship a crucible? That sounds scary as hell.
PG: Relationship as a crucible means that you don’t do this fairy tale thing of “acquiring” a relationship and then passing out back to sleep. It means staying conscious within the relationship, and being willing for it to “burn” the patterns in you that no longer serve you. It means looking deeply at the other person as a mirror and using that mirror to look at where you can be a better version of yourself.

AR: Yes! I find the deepest work I do is often in partnership. It’s like boot camp. No hiding! Wanna give us an example of what this can look like?
PG: Sure. Right now in my own relationship (I am getting married in October) I am working on a pattern where I try to fix him when he is down because his pain makes me really uncomfortable. So instead of letting him have his experience, I do things that would make him feel better. That sounds like the “nice” thing to do but it is not the “kind” thing to do. The thing to do is focus on myself, support him how he wants to be supported and not need him to be any way other than how he is.

As I started to look more deeply at it, I was like “Why do I do that? Where does that pattern originate?” It comes from childhood and being afraid that things going wrong were my fault and not wanting to get in trouble. But if I fixed it then that meant I did something good! It’s a rescuer pattern where I get personal validation that I am a good person by making him feel better.

But if we are practicing being conscious, then I have robbed him of his down which it is NECESSARY for him to get through himself to get to the freedom on the other side. By trying to help him feel better, (i.e. distract him from his feelings or helping him cover them with yummy things like a chocolate milkshake) I have helped him numb out and I have kept him from feeling what he needs to feel. So I notice it and then I actively practice doing something different so I can shift that piece of myself internally. It’s a practice.

Holy fuck relationships as path to enlightenment perri gorman alexandra roxo on The Numinous

AR: I love this, and I’ve been on both sides of this same coin. Allowing the uncomfortable is tough. People are always looking to “be ok.” But I wonder if some of us are avoiding the shadow. The truth. The messy side. Hiding under a mask of “zen.”
PG: We all have masks and patterns, which is why relationships as reflection from others is so important. I surround myself with people who can penetrate my defenses so the truth can get through. Of course we avoid it. I don’t think that I ever said “Oh hey, I want to be awake and spiritual.” I was a fucking walking ball of chaos and destruction, and I had no choice. It was transform or die. I had to learn how to use all the energy. For others, they feel dead inside or their relationships don’t work or they are bored. In this sense, it’s like we all have different locks that require a different key.

***

So there you have it. Perri always pisses me off with our work, but then she breaks me down and then I cry and feel so happy and see the light!  It’s an amazing process if you surrender to it.

And next up from Perri: self-love. Something I think gets misunderstood A LOT. Self-love doesn’t just mean treating yourself to a mani pedi. It means cutting off toxic relationships. Releasing self-judgment. Body shame. Sexual shame. Owning your voice. Standing up for your needs. Creating healthy boundaries. Self-love is deep. I’m still learning it more and more everyday.

Perri’s new experience, PRESENCE, is all about coming home to yourself through the path authentic self-love. Not in the “everything needs to be good and nice” kind of way, more like “I will sit here with you through it all—good or bad”—something she admits has been one of the most challenging practices for her, and so a major focus of her own healing journey.

Registration for PRESENCE opens August 1 for a limited time. To sign-up, and to learn more about Perri Gorman and her work visit: Theschoolofalchemy.com

MY MYSTICAL LIFE: EARTH MAGICK WITH MY MOON SISTERS

Posted on by Ruby Warrington

Earth magic, moon magick, astro magick and the magick of sisterhood…so so so so much magick to report this week!

With my retreat co-creators, Elyssa Jakim and Alexandra Roxo Maha Rose North on The Numinous
With my retreat co-creators, Alexandra Roxo and Elyssa Jakim

:: MONDAY ::
Still high / nursing a slight vulnerability hang-over following our Re-Write Your Love Story retreat upstate with Maha Rose North. If you saw my IG post Monday morning you’ll have got an idea of just how transformative the experience was for all involved. And I’m not gonna share too many details here (what happens on retreat stays on retreat, y’all!), EXCEPT to tell you about the moment we made actual freaking Earth magick.

Cut to Saturday night, and we’re ready to purge some of our old love stories around a crackling bonfire out in the forest, and we gather beneath the trees to a rumble of thunder and distant flash of lightening in the rapidly darkening sky. One by one, we begin to throw our old stories, our out-dated patterns, and our most deep-seated fears into the fire. Once we’ve all gone, we hold hands and a peaceful silence descends on our circle. The fire gently smolders, and another clap of thunder tells us the storm is getting closer.

Then, a lone voice opens the releasing up again, sparking a new wave of purging into the fire—purging of societal shit, of global shit, of deep, deep, deep ancestral shit. And as our words becomes more raw, more vulnerable, and more elemental, the first drops of rain begin to fall. Soft at first, and steadily building until the trees above can no longer shelter us. “I release not feeling lovable enough to be a powerful woman in the world.” “I release…the Rules.” “I release all hatred towards my body.”

It’s the last one that sets it off, and the heavens open, sending a deluge of water cascading down on us, washing the ashes of our words back into the Earth. I can’t contain a whoop of joyous laughter, and I look up to the sky, shouting: “THANK YOU FOR HEARING US!” Goddess responds with another huge smack of thunder, and we all lose it—laughing and sobbing and whooping, before finally running for shelter, fully electrified by the experience of what felt like communing live and direct with Mama Earth!

Like I said, real deal Earth magick in action. And, I now believe with every cell in my being, available to each and every one of us when we show up and give it up as our purest, most vulnerable, unadulterated animal selves.

ruby warrington alexandra roxo elyssa jakim maha rose north the numinous retreat
The posing before the storm…

:: TUESDAY ::
Speaking of feeling connected to the Cosmos, today’s Capricorn Full Moon (marking a culmination point in finance and career for me—due to my Sagittarius Rising and Aries Sun signs) saw me banking the second and final payment for the advance on my book. This, after last month’s Sagittarius Full Moon (lighting my houses of self-image and publishing) was the day I submitted the edited draft of my manuscript/memoir. Confirming my belief that the more closely you align yourself with your soul path as written in your stars (i.e. your birth chart), the more closely the stars align themselves with YOU.

:: WEDNESDAY ::
Did I mention that my retreat sisters (Alexandra Roxo and Elyssa Jakim) and I were also all bleeding together over our weekend upstate? “We’re in the Red Tent,” Elyssa nodded wisely Sunday morning—the night after our bonfire. And today when I met with Alexandra Derby, who facilitated the actual Red Tent ceremony I attended last summer, and who’s Cosmic Cycle tincture system I am crediting with finally (like, for the first time in my life) regulating my menstrual flow, we were wearing almost identical red dresses AND she was on her moon time too! Seems like the Numi tribe is synching up. OBVIOUSLY.

:: THURSDAY ::
A trip to Connecticut to experience forest bathing—a.k.a. a guided meditative walk through the woods, a.k.a. the Japanese art of Shinrin-yoku. New to the spa menu at the fancy Mayflower Grace hotel, research in Japan has shown that regular walks among deciduous trees shows increased scores for vigor, attentiveness, relaxation, friendliness, self confidence and clearing one’s mind—as well as decreased the scores for hostility, boredom, depression, anger, fatigue and confusion.

Oh, and it fights cancer and stuff too. The major reason for these findings is the presence of phytoncides in deciduous forests—particles produced to help plants & trees protect themselves from harmful insects and germs, which also decrease stress hormone levels and improve immunity. The forest “bath”? A slow, meandering stroll among our friends the trees, taking extra time to stop and smell the…phytoncides. Bliss. Book at www.gracehotels.com/mayflower

:: FRIDAY ::
OMG and there’s yet more Earth magic to come, as today I’m getting excited for OBONJAN! Read all about it here, but Obonjan is a summer-long music and wellbeing festival taking over a private island in Croatia, where I’ll be giving a talk on how to Get High On Your Own Supply next Saturday. They’ve also invite some of my favorite Numi friends + fam to be part of the experience, and so I’m also looking forward to some hang time with Alexandra Roxo (again, yay!), the New Age Hipster, Jayne Goldheart, Morgan Yakus and Shauna Cummins, and the guys from She’s Lost Control. Come join us! I’m only staying a week, but the island is open from July 28—September 6. You can find all the booking details here.

obonjan island trees logo on The Numinous

MY MYSTICAL LIFE: CONNECTIVITY CONSCIOUSNESS AND A CALL TO SHAKTIVISM

Posted on by Ruby Warrington

Is it enough to “be the change we want to see”? This week’s call to “shaktivism” got me asking…

Numinous virtual full moon ritual elyssa Jakim alexandra Roxo ruby warrington
Photo by Natalie Reyes, Mexico

:: MONDAY ::
SO MUCH LOVE for the 90 beautiful souls who joined from all over the world for our Virtual Full Moon Ritual, with Alexandra Roxo and Elyssa Jakim. We cast a circle of love and light, got the lowdown on the current cosmic energies, did a journalling exercise to get into our deepest desires for the next Moon cycle, and sat in a guided meditation to light the fire in our solar plexus. The vibe was ELECTRIC—but above all, in a week where the divisiveness and separation in our world has been brought yet again to light with the UK’s deeply saddening vote to leave the EU (more under “Friday”), it was a small example / reminder of how, beyond politics, we ARE united, and how connectivity consciousness is alive and thriving. Our virtual Full Moon rituals will be happening monthly—watch our Instagram for links to sign up.

:: TUESDAY ::
A delivery from lovely Bri Luna (a.k.a. The Hoodwitch), who collaborated with artist Robin Eisenberg on this rad collection of pins. Um, could they get any more Numinous?! My fave is the palm tree crystal ball, the perfect talisman for, say, manifesting a move to LA?

Crystal Baller enamel pin, $10, The Hoodwitch
Crystal Baller enamel pin, $10, The Hoodwitch

:: WEDNESDAY ::
When I got invited to a Full Moon comedy show, I really had no idea what to expect. But what I GOT was a night of whip-smart laughs from an all female line-up of comics, united by the theme of la luna. Hosted by Sara Armour and Jessica Brodkin, an actual life coach and energy healer, there was also an appearance from brilliant/hilarious astrologer Kristina Belich (who also managed to include some actual real life astro insights!) FUN. And gonna be a regular happening in NYC, so sign up for our newsletter where we’ll post details of the next event.

:: THURSDAY ::
Launch party at comprehensive health clinic The Ash Center for Rebecca Gordon and Stephanie Marango MD’s new book on astrology for wellness, Your Body And The Stars. Surprise / fascinating insight of the night—until only a couple of months ago, Stephanie had been living the wrong chart—i.e. not knowing her real Moon and Rising signs. She claims discovering “the truth” of her chart has given her a whole new perspective on her life path, and obviously we’re planning a tea date to discuss this in more depth. But I was also kinda distracted by the results of the Brexit referendum rolling in, which leads me to…

:: FRIDAY ::
“Shaktivism” is the name of one of my favorite new Instagram accounts, and it’s a term curator Jessica Fish describes as “spiritual practice + activism…the power of the divine feminine to heal, empower + transform individuals + society.” A huge theme for this year, since world events occurring in real time can make it hard not to feel like what’s the freaking point of yet another heart-opening guided meditation, when what’s really needed is campaigning and direct action.

But what does this really look like, in our everyday lives, in the now? What are the actions we as individuals can take TODAY to keep building towards the “consciousness shift” we hear so much about—the shift to a more open, loving and accepting global society? I’m asking because these are questions I am constantly asking of myself lately.

So what do the answers look like in my life? Constantly returning to the idea that a true “shift” has to happen one mind at a time (even if this means many minds awakening to the damage animal agriculture is doing to the planet / humanity after watching Cowspiracy, for example); consistently promoting the concept of self-healing as the way past limiting beliefs that foster feelings of fear, otherness, and even hate; and starting initiatives like Club SÖDA NYC to encourage people to stop using alcohol and other ways of numbing out to hide from the truth—that it is our human responsibility to be the change we want to see.

But I want to do more. Don’t we all? And so I want to hear from you too—what would you have a platform like The Numinous do?

If you didn’t already, check out the below poem by spoken word artist Lisa Luxx, which I commissioned to inspire the light-worker massive after it became evident Trump would win the Republican nomination. In it she states: “If politics show us the apex of hatred, there is equal measure in the depths of love.” In other words, if current events are shining a light on the fact this is, and by the laws of nature always will be, a planet of polarities—then in the name of the cosmic balancing act we all walk in this life, the time to embrace the path of the shaktivist is now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPNLoF4e3Kw

HOLY F*CK: SIX WAYS TO SEXUAL HEALING

Posted on by Alexandra Roxo

The sexual dysfunction on our planet is DEEP, says Alexandra Roxo—time to address our collective second chakra problems. PLUS six ways to begin your own sexual healing journey…Additional images: Instagram.com/look_at_this_pussy 

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The last month has been a head-slam-against-the-wall of a reminder of our modern world’s second chakra problems—the shooting in Orlando, the Stanford rape cases…WTF. I’ve felt the weight of our planet’s dysfunctional relationship to sex and sexuality more than ever before. I’ve also heard people from around the world pour out their stories online during this time and come together in solidarity and sharing. This has been incredibly moving for me. So many people I know have been assaulted, abused, or experienced attempted assault or rape because of their sexuality, or simply because they are a woman.

Our planet’s sexual dysfunction is DEEP. It’s passed down from generation to generation, and we are all living with it in our DNA and in our bodies. This may manifest as strange and irregular menstrual cycles. Louise Hay says many STI’s are shame-related. So many women have trouble orgasming. You can’t post an image of a woman’s nipple on Instagram. All proof that sexual shame and general fucked-up-ness is still rampant.

And then there’s men’s sexual trauma. Most cis gendered men born in the US are mutilated the first day they’re alive on this planet! My friend Daniel Moglen has been doing workshops with the ManKind project in order to heal himself and his relationship to his own masculinity: “What pains and angers me about my circumcision is the fact that the opportunity to experience deeper sexual pleasure was taken from me (violently!) without my consent within the first few days of entering this world. And that this is such a normalized process in our culture,” he says.

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Male genital mutilation is archaic. Its barbarian. And it’s accepted. As well as the supressed anger many men have about this, in a recent podcast sexpert Jaiya discusses how it could even be a reason many men have no rhythm: their hip energy froze out of trauma. WHOA. As a feminist who can be quick to blame things on the patriarchy, lately I’ve been accepting that this early sexual assault on many cismen could be behind a lot of sexual aggression.

And we haven’t even BEGUN to discuss global sex trafficking, female genital mutilation, systemic rape. The list goes on. So are we just…fucked?

Well, it’s my personal belief that one of the answers to healing this insane deadening of the Earth’s sacral chakra is indeed that: Fucking. And cuming. As much as possible. In the most sacred of ways. I mean, John and Yoko knew what the fuck they were talking about!

As a queer woman who has been through my own second chakra traumas, I feel like I am doubly called to this mission: CUE MARVIN GAYE’s Sexual Healing. (Also this video.)

My friend Daniella Rabbani and I have even been working on a new project called “The Cuming and the Curious” which chronicles a West Village/Hamptons Jewish living married gal (Daniella) and a queer free spirit single gal (me) in search of better sex. And in this search we have discovered MANY sexual healing crusaders of note!

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Our fave sexpert is Kim Anami. Please watch this video. She believes that women all over the world are under-fucked—claiming that a stronger vagina and more orgasms keeps your body in better shape than 1000 pilates classes a week. She claims your depression will lift. Your ass will lift. You will radiate wellbeing. And she makes it a point to add: “This does not come from junk food sex. Only gourmet sex.” We are talking about a deeper sex. An orgasm that strikes you to the core. UM YES PLEASE.

Sexual energy has the power to heal you. Also to heal your lover. And the Earth. And yet avoiding or bottling up sexual energy is another form of dysfunction for 99% of people, and therefore society. See many Catholic priests, and how their vows of celibacy lead to sexual perversion.

On a physical level avoiding sex can also mean trouble. Depression. Weight gain. Endless snacking. When you have sex you wash cortisol out of your body, preventing belly fat. Your breasts also swell up to 25%. We are animals, people! And our bodies were made to be animalistic!

But what if you aren’t feeling like sex, or even masturbation, at all? Well, sorry to break it to ya but this means the energy simply isn’t flowing down there. It’s happened to me before and it sucks. Kim Anami says, if you aren’t getting wet for someone (including yourself!) then there is a dysfunction. She is anti-lube for that reason!

So how do we find sexual healing in this fucked up world, with it’s second chakra pain? We start with ourselves. Like Gandhi said. Like Rumi said. Like basically everyone said. So here goes…

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:: How To Begin Your Sexual Healing Journey ::

  1. Volunteer. I’ve been doing this since I was a pre-teen and it’s one of the most rewarding things on the planet. Find an LGBT youth center. A women’s shelter. A sex trafficking organization. Whatever touches you, give your time. It will heal you and also others in turn. Once a month or once a week just start doing it.
  2. Start a jade egg practice. I started using a jade egg when I saw Aislinn from Moon Root Yoni Eggs post about them on Insta, and immediately began feeling the power in my puss. You can get all sorts of stones for different kinds of healing—I got a red agate to bring the heat and I really feel it. Kim Anami is also pro-jade egg. She even adds a weight!
  3. Conscious touch and relating. If you’re in a relationship and haven’t been feeling sexy lately start slow, with some massage and conscious touching. And if you’re single, consider ways you can be touched that don’t involved you getting wasted and ending up in a stranger’s bed. Maybe it’s contact improv. Or trading massages with a hot guy. Or finding a tantric sexual practice. Or exploring touch with a friend (with some clear boundaries in place). Once you release social conditioning about touching and being touched the possibilities are endless.
  4. Movement. I am SO pro-movement. Daniella swears by Gyrotonic. I love 5Rhythms, dancehall, and hip hop. Move those hips.
  5. Sharing. Find a women’s circle where you can talk about your orgasms or lack thereof. Your sexual traumas. You desires. Or create one! THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Carrying shame and guilt and secrets around sex can be really harmful to yourself, so find a way to let it all out in a safe space.
  6. Do your research. Read books. Watch videos. Learn about your body. Did you know that there are reflexology points in your pussy? That the cervix is connected to your heart, which is what makes orgasms from that space so opening? That tiny points on your clit are connected to your whole body? When you start to get to know it you’ll be like “Dang the left tip of my clit connects to my deep belly! WEIRD!” Educate yo’self!

Finally, I am guiding a weekly Virtual Women’s Circle to facilitate conversations about conscious sexual practice and healing. One hour a week on the phone, it’s totally anonymous (you can use a sexy pseudonym!) and anyone can dial in to ask questions and chat about sex and spirituality. Email me here to sign up.

Alexandra Roxo is an LA based filmmaker who also does one-on-one intuitive counsel, energy work sessions, and mentorship. Red more and contact her on alexandraroxo.com. Follow her on Insta here and read her past Numinous articles on Now Age love and sex here.

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