TIME FOR CHANGE: 10 SIGNS I WAS LIVING A LIE

As Mercury goes retrograde, the coming three weeks are the perfect time for some life laundry. For Victoria Cox, this meant asking: “am I living a lie?” Artwork: Aneta Ivanova via Behance.net
Aneta Ivanova on The Numinous

It’s an unsettling feeling to look back on the last decade of your life, only to discover that you’ve been living a lie. No, I haven’t recently been arrested for identity theft nor do I want to be the next Caitlyn Jenner. What I mean by living a lie is this: upon looking back at the arc of my burgeoning adulthood, I was astounded to discover that the career choices I had made, had never, in fact, been the choices I wanted to make.

There was no gun being held to my head. I made these decisions entirely voluntarily. Succumbing to my own burning desire to please others, I began to emulate a path that would impress my father. Abandoning my creative desires, I launched headfirst into a career in law.

Essentially, I took on what had been one of his ambitions and pursued his goal for myself. All, I can see now, in the hope that he would love me just a little bit more. Of course I didn’t realize what I was up to until much later in life, that’s the power of the subconscious mind. But there were signs along the way, tiny whispers asking if this was truly what I wanted.

Ultimately, it was finally paying attention to these signs that opened my eyes to the fact I’d been faking it all along.

SADNESS: The first sign was the persistent, heavy sadness that was my constant companion. I spent so long convincing myself that I was doing the right thing that I simply chose to ignore it. I knew it wasn’t normal to feel this way, but it took me years to confront my sadness and ask myself that terrible question. The one you don’t want to ask because you already know you don’t want to hear the answer. “Why are you really doing this?”

FEAR: Then there was the fear – fear of making any changes to my life. So, cushioned by my regular paycheck, I chose to play it safe. I convinced myself that it was the fear of losing my job that kept me awake at night, when actually I was afraid of something completely different. I was afraid I was missing out on living MY life.

RESISTANCE: I had always wanted to be a writer, yet I never wrote. Instead of putting pen to paper and creating a story, I created a litany of excuses. I was too busy, too stressed and this was killing off any creative inspiration. What I was really doing was a classic case of self-sabotage; I was refusing to get out of my own way.

Aneta Ivanova on The Numinous

DISTRACTION: I would do anything to avoid facing up to the truth of my situation. Cue night after night when, instead of turning on my laptop to write, I poured myself a glass of wine and checked in to see what The Real Housewives were up to. Anything to divert myself from… myself.

EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE: Sensing my malaise, a friend suggested I try a meditation class. Once my monkey mind finally settled I discovered a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in years. Meditation began to show me the true purpose of emotions and how they can actually provide valuable guidance. Quieting my mind had highlighted the fact that anxiety and fear were my sole companions while I was at work. In stark contrast, I discovered that the only time I felt any semblance of joy was in a creative environment.

BOREDOM: Another sign that showed me I was living an inauthentic life was a constant sense of boredom. I was bored by my work and bored with life. I would plan vacation after vacation in the hopes of brushing up against some kind of enjoyment, but nothing excited me anymore. The world seemed to have become one, long, monotonous…nothing.

ILLNESS: Being stressed and unhappy takes its toll on the mind, and on the body. My body decided to give me a sign of its own making, a physical wake-up call. My skin reverted to its teenage years and broke out constantly. I had severe insomnia and my adrenals were burnt out. My body was essentially screaming at me to get my attention the only way it knew how, through sickness.

IDENTITY LOSS: Despite the fact that I was desperate to change my career I hid behind my profession. I used my identity as a lawyer to impress people, because I was too afraid to show them who I really was. Ironically I spent so long holding up this mask as a “successful lawyer” that it was no longer a mask. I had morphed into somebody that I didn’t want to be.

Aneta Ivanova on The Numinous

SELF-LOATHING: I was disgusted by the realization that I had let fear hold me back from pursuing my creative dreams. In an attempt to remove these loathsome thoughts circling around my mind, I began journaling every evening. A torrent of hateful words poured forth providing another sign I desperately needed before I could move forward. I now needed to forgive myself.

PERSPECTIVE: The act of writing out my deepest fears in my journal showed me that I was stuck in a victim mentality. Instead of throwing a 24-hour pity party, what I needed was a change in perspective. Why was I choosing to hide this experience in the Life Mistakes folder, when I could file it under Life Lessons instead? Looking at my situation from a fresh perspective showed me that my experience had actually created a swath of writing material. What if I chose to write about my story so that it could help others who were in the same boat?

I’m still a long way off from the writing career of my dreams but that’s the not the point. The point is that each step of my journey has shown me I was living life out of duty rather than desire; acting always to please others rather than pleasing myself.

I hid behind my fears because I didn’t want to face up to the fact that in order to follow my writing dreams, I had to let go of those parts of my life that no longer served me. Yet the very act of finally facing these fears gave me the permission I had been desperately seeking; the permission to pull off the mask of inauthenticity and show my real self to the world.

JUPITER IN VIRGO: A DREAM IN GREEN

Yesterday, the planet of good fortune and abundance moved signs. In this insightful post, the Astro Twins outline what we can expect with Jupiter in Virgo…Images: E A R T H by Gyéresi Andrea Éva

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Changing of the guard! On August 11 2015, expansive Jupiter exits dramatic and flamboyant Leo, moving into clean, green and analytical Virgo until September 9, 2016. Jupiter is the planet that rules luck, personal growth, travel, opportunity and risk. Along with Venus, it’s one of the cosmsos’ two “benefics,” meaning its influence is largely positive. The biggest planet in the solar system, Jupiter represents abundance, so whatever you plant during a Jupiter cycle will grow into a cash crop.

As one of the slower-moving outer planets, Jupiter’s transits color the entire societal attitude and cultural zeitgeist. Jupiter changes signs every 12-13 months, meaning it only visits each zodiac sign once every 12 years. Its last trek through Virgo was from August 27, 2003-September 24, 2004. (Dial back to that era for themes that may arise again in your life.)

Here are few things we can expect while Jupiter tours Virgo through September 2016:

1. Walking the talk: Jupiter in Virgo.
Now that Leo’s grand speeches, public declarations and jaw-dropping debuts are over, it’s time for some follow up—the walk that goes with the talk. Jupiter in Virgo inspires us to roll up our sleeves and do the real work, to make change. In a telling pop culture example during Jupiter in Leo, Caitlyn Jenner filmed her reality show I Am Cait on the road with trans activists.

The episode revealed her ignorance about the struggles of transgender people who don’t share her wealth, fame and public support. While Jupiter in Leo brought Caitlyn Zac Posen gowns, tearful ESPY awards and Vanity Fair covers, Jupiter in Virgo will deliver the equivalent of a quick sociology degree. And we could all use some brushing up in that area, frankly.

Jupiter in Virgo cracks the integrity whip, making sure our own backyards are clean before we stand on our soapboxes. Do we wag our fingers at the world’s transgressions, then privately commit the same deeds? There will be no getting away with that while Jupiter is in Virgo. Beware the self-righteousness of this transit—change begins with ourselves.

2. Jupiter is in “detriment” in Virgo.
Jupiter is “in detriment” in Virgo, meaning it’s slogging through perhaps its least favorite shift – as if the celestial hedonist is doing community service to repent for his overindulgent ways. We just can’t act selfishly on every whim with Jupiter in self-controlled Virgo. Jupiter is the ruler of big-picture thinking and the higher mind, while Virgo is ruled by practical, sensible Mercury—Jupiter’s planetary opposite, in a way.

Jupiter and Virgo can be strange bedfellows, with the supersized planet pushing to expand, and fastidious Virgo fact-checking every little item along the way. It’s like a neurotic nanny trying to tame a hyperactive child on a sugar high. In the best situation, they will provide positive checks and balances for each other, ensuring that our grand ideas can actually go the distance.

3. Sustainability reigns: Earthy Virgo in charge.
After a people-focused year, our attention turns to our processes—and how they affect the planet. Climate change is an undeniable issue we face, and global ambassador Jupiter throws a giant spotlight here. As astronomer Carl Sagan once said, “Extinction is the rule. Survival is the exception.” The human race needs to cooperate with nature if we want to keep on keeping on.

We could draw some inspiration from New Yorker Colin Beavan’s film No Impact Man which documents his family’s efforts to spend one year making as little an impact as possible on the environment: no electricity, automated transportation or non-local food!

Virgo governs digestion so that rule extends to our palates. Bring on the organic produce and kale smoothies. Plant and grow food and put more greenery around your home. Vote with your dollar, opting for sustainably crafted goods that also support local business owners and keep the neighborhood economy thriving.

With Jupiter in Virgo, businesses in “green” industries could boom. You might just make time to hear your friend’s pitch on solar panels, vitamins or supplements now. Since Jupiter is the global truth-teller we can expect to hear more stories about egregious waste dumping and pollution from overseas manufacturers…and hopefully, to see policies and regulations change that.

4. Living in tune with nature, sharing our “stuff.”
No, you don’t have to trade your loft apartment for a yurt this year…but you might airbnb it out for a month while you go shack up in a tent. Jupiter in Virgo calls our culture of excess into question, and people will begin making real lifestyle changes to reduce accumulation. Jupiter in practical Virgo will fuel the cooperative economy. More and more, people are asking: Why own when we can rent, and use only what we need when we need it?

Commune-style living could make a comeback too, with a modern twist. Interestingly, the first-ever kibbutz—a collective community in Israel where people live, work, farm, grow food and raise their families together—was formed in 1909, while Jupiter was in Virgo. We can expect to see a rise in urban farming, shared living spaces and a boom in people unloading their stuff on Craigslist or eBay.

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5. Drop the selfie stick; pick up the talking stick.
It’s time for more mindfulness, says Jupiter in Virgo—to put down the gadgets for an hour and get back to IRL encounters. While we don’t predict that the likes of, say, Snapchat will go anywhere, serenity could set in if we carve out technology-free spaces (both in public or at home).

We’ll be more present with the people in our midst; less worried about attracting a million random followers. We’ll find joy in being of service to our fellow humans instead of competing to be the biggest superstars. It sounds downright old-fashioned, but this wrinkle in time might just buy us another era on Planet Earth.

6. The “Internet of Things” takes over
If anything, technology will become more integrated into our lives. Virgo may be an earthy hippie, but it’s also a data-loving nerd (think: an early adopter of Burning Man going off the grid but rocking serious tech skills). The “internet of things” (ioT) could expand under Jupiter in Virgo.

More of our everyday objects will become embedded with sensors and electronics, a la “geek chic” wearable technology (an industry projected to balloon by the billions). We may even see an innovation that helps us detach from our physical gadgets while still remaining “wired.” Will our entire identities soon be stored on the cloud?

7. Taking it to the polls: Rocking the vote?
With a U.S. presidential election year falling during Jupiter’s tour of Virgo, we could be due for another “Rock the Vote” era of grassroots change and socially-aware constituents (interestingly, the splashy Rock the Vote campaign was founded in 1990, while Jupiter was in Leo).

Jupiter in Virgo will demand integrity and follow-through from any politician who hopes to make it through the rounds of debates and primaries. If we’re lucky, Jupiter in Virgo may also help to inspire record voter turnout before it leaves in September 2016.

8. Health, science and fitness industries soar.
Virgo is the ruler of health and science, so new trends in medical care and the wellness industry could arise. Buying “local and sustainable” could become more of a mainstream trend, as consumers become ever more savvy in their research about food and product safety. We may see amazing advancements in medicine, too—for example, technology that allows doctors to predict and prevent brain diseases (such as dementia) long before they reach their full-blown state.

Artificial intelligence, robots and other innovations that once seemed like grist for a sci-fi movie could become integrated into our daily lives. Geneticists are even working to bring back extinct species, such as the carrier pigeon, which died out in 1914.

9. Coaching and “how-to” businesses thrive.
Coaches and consultants might also experience a heyday, as Virgo’s perfectionism has us all in self-analysis overdrive. Analytical Virgo doesn’t skimp on the details, so people will be hungry for advice on improving their practical skills: budgeting, dressing, decorating, parenting. If you’re an expert, look for ways you can package your knowledge as helpful advice.

Jupiter rules publishing and broadcasting, so consider marketing your unique skills through a YouTube video series, a “helpful tips” podcast or a how-to ebook. For best results, focus on simplifying a difficult process or giving people basic instructions. Jobs in the service sector will also grow, since Virgo is the ruler of service. Everyone, pitch in now…

How do you think Jupiter in Virgo will rock your world? Connect with us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and share your hopes and dreams for this next cosmic portal.

TRANSFORMATION STATION: INSIDE CAITLYN JENNER’S BIRTH CHART

Kimberly Peta Dewhirst of Star Sign Style checks out Caitlyn Jenner’s birth chart…because seriously, what ELSE is there to talk about this week

Image: Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair
Image: Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair

Caitlyn Jenner was born on the 28th October 1949 at 6.16am in New York, with the Sun in Scorpio and also Scorpio rising.

People are fascinated with the Scorpio zodiac sign – the sign of mystery and darkness, of death, sex, power and regeneration. But there’s more to Scorp than ‘the dark side’. The mythology and symbolism of Scorpio also relates to the mythical phoenix who rises from the ashes. The phoenix is courageous, facing intense and inevitable destruction in its cycle of death and rebirth.

Water sign Scorpio is continually faced with its own powerful emotional nature, which is deep and consuming. Co-ruled by Mars and Pluto, she understands the darker shades of humanity, its thirst for survival and dominance, and the necessary process of endings, new beginnings, and returning stronger than before.

It’s said those born with a strong Scorpio in their chart (that could be someone born with the Sun, Mars or Pluto in Scorpio, or Scorpio rising – like Caitlyn) have the capacity to be a ‘master of transformation’, shedding their skin and seamlessly re-inventing themselves again and again in a lifetime.

In astrological speak, Caitlyn’s Sun is sitting on her ascendant, lighting up her first house of ‘self’, appearance and how she comes across. The Sun in this position it indicates a life in the spotlight – the star at the center of the universe!

True to form, Caitlyn has been center-stage throughout her life, as a sportsman (then appearing on cereal boxes across America after the Olympics), broadcaster, actor and, more recently, playing her part in Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

In her latest turn, as the person to take the transgender conversation mainstream, she has undergone one of the biggest transformations of all as far as appearances are concerned! So what else is going on, astrologically?

Image: Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair
Image: Annie Leibovitz for Vanity Fair

When an individual has Scorpio rising, we look to the position of the sign’s planetary ruler (Pluto/Mars) for its significance in the birth chart. In Caitlyn’s chart, Pluto sits with ‘the Midheaven’ in Leo.

Positioned at the very top of the chart, the Midheaven is an indication of the impression we send out to the world – similar to the ascendant, but also close to the cusp of the tenth house it can speak of our career, our purpose, public image, even our place in society.

Leo on the Midheaven lends a bit of theatre and playfulness. They could perhaps be an actor or ‘seen’ by others as a thespian, both confident and dramatic. A Leo Mc could be viewed as a creative force, a ‘kindly King’, warm, proud, childlike and fun.

So, not only does Caitlyn have a spotlight put on her, she’s sending out a signal that says; ‘I’m comfortable as the star of the show.’

In the tenth house of vocation, powerful Pluto sits 18 degrees of Leo and a little further along Mars too. This adds another ‘Plutonian’ dimension to the reputation and public persona – it’s like even more Scorpio. Pluto is a mark of intensity, focus and determination.

It indicates someone with a strong presence and Pluto is another indicator of transformation – although not necessarily gender re-assignment. It could be someone that can shift careers or their direction in life. Mars here adds bags of stamina and wants recognition.

As for how the planets are interacting with Caitlyn now, as anyone who follows astrology will know, bountiful Jupiter is also currently transiting the constellation of the lion. This is bringing a certain boost to all the Leo Sun signs out there, Jupiter is also expanding everything it touches – which goes for Caitlyn’s public image. As well as her Pluto, also in her tenth house and quite possibly the most important planet in her chart!

Cut to that interview with Diane Sawyer.

On the April 24, Jupiter was in contact with Caitlyn’s Midheaven, and is touching her natal Pluto just as the Vanity Fair photoshoot hits the stands. Her Mars will be next, which sits at zero degrees of Virgo – meaning August could see a hat trick of significant public appearances.

Caitlyn was also born with the moon in Aquarius, a Uranian-ruled sign that can be eccentric, rebellious, quirky – even shocking. I like this lunar sign for her, as I suspect she’ll be right at home feeling like the oddball, at least for a little while.

What do you think about Caitlyn Jenner’s transformation, and the public obsession with her family? Connect with us on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook