In this mini-excerpt from her memoir, Messy Bitch Magic, author Ani Ferlise makes her self-pleasure practice a part of her rock solid, 4-hour morning routine …
“The anus is a portal to GOD!”my teacher’s voice bellows through my computer speakers, waking me from a sleepy haze. I slink from my desk onto the floor, covered in what are supposed to be lavish sheepskins but are actually yards of scratchy, questionable “material” from the glamorous “Joann Fabrics.”
It’s 4:45 a.m. I am up early ‘cause I’m next-level priestessing by embodying the Divine Feminine and training to be a spiritual sex and love coach.
I am in what I call the “magic room” of my new house with Rune. The magic room is a space all of my own with altars, flowy drapes, candles, and sheepskins (aka the hairy, itchy, dirt-cheap fabric that I may or may not be allergic to). Bouquets of dried flowers hang from the ceiling.
It is here that I start my mornings with my rock-solid, four-hour routine. I meticulously light my candles. There are about twenty of them, and they each have a different significance. I whip out my “rewiring the mind for success” journal prompts and write the same things over and over again, channeling all of my energy into changing my brain so I can stop sabotaging myself, heal up, and lean into my pleasure and my power. Again.
Once my brain has been reset, I sit in front of two mirrors and start a breathwork practice. Deep, slow, inhale in the mouth; long, extended exhale without a pause after. Then I begin my daily self-pleasure practice. No porn, no thoughts or fantasizing; I’m just supposed to breathe, feed my body pleasure and then, when I orgasm, send out a prayer for what I need.
The pseudo-sheepskin and fallen dried-out flower petals itch my thighs as I lay there spread eagle, staring blankly at a whitewashed picture of Mary Magdalene on my mirror altar as I furiously masturbate—I mean self-pleasure—in a hazy, glazed over state.
That’s right. Ya girl got her shit together. I have a magic room. I’m a good partner. I’m building a business. I’m softening and healing. I’m facing my shadows. I’m learning. I’m blessed. I’m grateful. I’m amplifying my pleasure.
I also (still) fucking hate my fucking life.
I “cum” and it feels like my pussy sneezed.
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Messy Bitch Magic by Ani Ferlise will be published on February 28, 2023. Learn more and pre-order your copy HERE.
In the Goddess calendar, Friday 13th is the luckiest day of the year. Lucy North shares 10 simple rituals to reclaim the power of this sacred date with the Divine Feminine …
One of the biggest “cosmic jokes” the patriarchal system has pulled on the Divine Feminine is the demonization of the number thirteen. Skipped in airplanes and hotels the world over, it’s become the scariest number within mass consciousness.
Possible justification for this comes from speculative claims that both The Last Supper and the Crucifixion allegedly happened on Friday 13th. But the patriarchy has always had it in for Friday 13th—and this is likely a cover up for something that runs much deeper.
Not only did the number 13 happen to be the luckiest number in the Goddess calendar, Friday 13th was the luckiest day of the year!
In Pagan times, the year was not divided into 12 months but 13. The new month began every 28 days, in accordance with a woman’s menstrual cycle and the New Moon. This was the Goddess calendar. Then the church got involved and … “rejigged” things. Looking to move power away from the Divine Feminine, it added two or three days onto each month and got rid of the 13th month.
February is the one month of the year that still only has 28 days, and this is out of respect to our original Girl Friday: Freyja, the Pagan Goddess of erotic love. Yes, Fri-day is also named after her (hello, date night!) So, this Friday 13th, let’s reunite with our Goddess roots—and honor this sacred day with some of the following rituals …
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1. Invoke the vibrant confidence and freedom of Freyja and smile at 13 women who you wouldn’t normally smile at or acknowledge.
2. How about doing something really wild—and going to bed really early! Freyja was instinctively connected to the rhythms of our planet, as all Goddesses are at heart. Being completely in sync with the earth, let’s go to sleep at sunset and get up at sunrise. For new Yorkers, this currently means tucking up at 6.20pm—and getting up at 7.30am. (Tip: Do this for one week and watch your life change. Your soul will love it.)
3. Patriarchal religions have drummed it into women that the only archetypes available to us are “virgin”, “whore”, “wife” and “mother.” No more! Write a small list on four pieces of paper under each of these archetypes. Now write out some of the emotional words associated with being or not “achieving” this archetype. Burn the paper.
4. Freyja’s nickname was Frigg—still a term for female self-pleasuring in the UK. There is actually a name for the fear of Friday 13th—”friggatriskaidekaphobia.” It has Freyja’s nickname in it, so the fear of this day is directly linked to a fear of women pleasuring themselves! So, let’s write this word out on a piece of paper—and burn that too.
Author Lucy North in Goddess mode …
5. It’s only patriarchal religions that have associated virginity with purity. In Freyja’s day, virgins were seen as dangerously vibrant—ready to burst forward with forthcoming sexual energy. If there has ever been a day dedicated to sacred self-love, a Kundalini wake up call, or divine sexual union, this is it.
6. After today, our next Friday 13th will be in April 2018. In tune with the seasons, dedicate a moment today to thinking of something that you want to incubate and work on over the next six months. It might be a new project, a new way of thinking, or a life goal. Put in place a plan for how this can come to fruition, in time for April’s Friday 13th—when Freyja’s energy will be rising with the vibrant reawakening of Spring!
7. The number 13 was also the number of witches in a coven. Text 12 of your friends—and wish them a Happy Goddess Day!
8. Take a moment to take 13 deep breaths. With each in breath, breathe in the positive energy you wish to receive on each of the next 13 lunar cycles. Allow the out breath to represent the releasing of all that is no longer serving you. Like the tides of the ocean that come in and out of the shore, allow your breath to rise and fall like waves. Be at one with the rhythms of the moon, the ocean and your own divinity.
9. Many of the flowers dedicated to Freyja within Pagan folklore are not in season right now. But google-search images of snowdrops, Cowslips, Wild Daisies, and other flowers, such as the Harlequin-bonnet Columbine and the Scarlet Pimpernel, and you’re good to go! Send a quick sketch or drawing of one of these flowers as a gift to a male friend or colleague, your partner, your son – or a friend’s little boy. The celebration of Friday 13th is not just for women—it’s for ALL genders! And drawing and painting is a fantastic meditation practice. Even is it’s a doodle on your iPad!
10. Freyja’s sacred tree was the Linden Tree (known as the Lime in the UK). If you have one near you, this weekend is definitely the time to go pay it a visit and give it a hug!
Lucy North is a writer, meditation teacher, and artist. She will be running a Women Who Run With The Wolves healing circle on tomorrow evening (Saturday October 14th) at Maha Rose in Greenpoint Brooklyn. Click HERE to reserve your spot.
In keeping with their Sensory Guide to Taurus Season 2017, Cara George & Bess Matassa of Mojave Rising channel a slumber party for each sign…Main images: Satellite Paris SS17
Let it all burst into brilliant bloom! Taurus season invites us to fully feast at the lush, tropical table of our own unshakeable value. The zodiac’s buxom bovine bombshell asks no less of us than the sexy, stalwart trust that this Earth is on our side. So sit down, settle in, and savor the flavor of a dinner party with no end. You’re absolutely, ALWAYS, worth it and there’s always more than enough to go around.
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The keyword: Flourish
The song lyrics: “The only two things in life that make it worth livin’/Is guitars that tune good and firm feelin’ women/I don’t need my name in the marquee lights/I got my song and I got you with me tonight/Maybe it’s time we got back to the basics of love”- Waylon Jennings, Luckenback Texas (Back to the Basics of Love)
Check out our Taurus Season Playlist, complete with earthy anthems, sensuous songstresses, and savory slow jams.
Valentino SS17
The color palette: luxe, buttery, candy box shades of cream, caramel, deep pink, and pure gold.
The style: Caesar’s Palace meets West Texas roadhouse—bombastic medallions, button-down denim, voluminous Dallas dos, worn-in leather, malachite accents, and studded belts.
The scents and flavors: overripe and headily hedonistic—tuberose, truffles, Mexican chocolate, dark cherries, sweet blonde tobacco, and musk.
The healing: directly embodied and sensorily complete—tasting menus, buffet brunches, love making, and horseback riding.
Want more juicy cosmic insights and sensory explorations? Arrange an astrology reading or private event with Mojave Rising here or follow them on Instagram.
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Sensuous Invitation of the Month: Slumber Party!
Ruled by Venus, Taurus season invites us back into the boudoir to harness the pure power of private pleasure. Our Venus sign reveals both what we seek in relationship and what we must learn to value in ourselves. This month, just say yes to exactly what turns you on and let it lead you straight to the heart of your truest desire. Below, your sign-by-sign guide to snuggling between the sheets…
***New to your birthchart? Discover your Venus sign here!
Venus in Aries Taurus season invites you to celebrate a fresh, minimalist approach to feeling good in your body. Slumber Party: Strip it down completely with naked solo sleeping on a Japanese tatami mat.
Venus in Taurus Taurus season invites you to let luxury be totally necessary and lead you all the way back home. Slumber Party: Wrap yourself in a bearskin rug by a roaring hearth and lie down on a bed of rose petals.
Venus in Gemini Taurus season invites you to delight in your desire for playful communication and curious encounters. Slumber Party: Deck out bunk beds with cartoon sheets and invite a bestie to join in a nocturnal gab fest.
Venus in Cancer Taurus season invites you to savor the lineage of all your past loves while staying open to the present. Slumber Party: Sink into memory foam and let your emotional history feel buoyant and supportive.
Venus in Leo Taurus season invites you to settle into luscious loyalty and commit to embracing and exposing exactly what you are. Slumber Party: Experience straightforwardly sprawling slumber with classic cotton sheets.
Venus in Virgo Taurus season invites you to celebrate your desire for discernment and your romantic integrity that doesn’t give it away for free. Slumber Party: Rest on the interwoven intricacy of a well-fashioned hammock.
Venus in Libra Taurus season invites you to fuse your clear-minded thinking with some more impulsively collisional romps. Slumber Party: Discover an unexpected Murphy Bed or pull-out couch with a new lover or friend.
Venus in Scorpio Taurus season invites you to let your desire for intensely intimate encounters become your most potent gift to the world. Slumber Party: Enjoy a torrid roll in satin and silk, whether solo or partnered.
Venus in Sagittarius Taurus season invites you to discover a sense of security even in your adventurous desire for transience. Slumber Party: Hit the road with the campfire containment of a weather-ready sleeping bag.
Venus in Capricorn Taurus season invites you to completely trust in your 24-karat value with absolutely no proving. Slumber Party: Dominate a California King with sheets of the highest thread count.
Venus in Aquarius Taurus season invites you to revel in your penchant for eccentric experiences while also pausing to process. Slumber Party: Take a nap on-the-go with a zebra print neck pillow as you prepare for the unknown journey ahead.
Venus in Pisces Taurus season invites you to explore the limits of your physical body and lovingly embrace every last sensation. Slumber Party: Pull an all-nighter and take in the shifting light, sounds, and smells of the world as it rests.
Want more juicy cosmic insights and sensory explorations? Arrange an astrology reading or private event with Mojave Rising here or follow them on Instagram.
In which I get prescribed a 30-day “self-pleasure diet”…
Confession. There has been a sad lack of the above (laughter) in my life lately, and this is a shout out, please, for some inspiration when it comes to the pleasure principle. Don’t get me wrong, life is pretty freaking amazing right now. I have somehow made manifest a career that reflects all the things I care about, and allows me total creative expression on a daily basis. I’m writing a book. I just launched the most incredible project with an iconic London department store, and moved into a super-cool new apartment in NYC. I’m in a loving relationship, I have a beautiful new nephew (okay thank you for indulging me in a much-needed gratitude list).
But still, and it’s written into very the DNA of entrepreneurship, life has been feeling very much all-work-and-no-play lately (I haven’t, actually, taken a day off this year I don’t think). And as was discussed with my friend Lucy in London last week, co-creator of spirituality un-conference Higher Selfie, what’s the point of dedicating yourself to your passion and your purpose, if your passion and your purpose then turns around and tries to make you its bitch?
The subject came up when I went to see Sandra Lanshin Chiu for acupuncture last night. She said she could tell from the way my tissue was “clinging” to my bones how hard I’ve been working, and how little room for pleasure, laughter, and FUN, this had left. “You’re all in your masculine energy, and that’s great for getting stuff done. But you’re a woman and you have a yin body, you need to create some space for flow,” she explained (kind of nailing it). Okay so her prescription? “A 30-day self-pleasure diet.”
As in, exactly what you think! Whether or not I decide to take up the challenge and schedule a 20-minute masturbation break into my daily routine isn’t something I’m gonna discuss here, but I will say this is by no means the first time the conversation has come up lately. According to Sandra, “self-pleasure is one of the jewels in a woman’s self-care toolbox.” Another friend in London is writing a book on the topic, while a self-administered orgasm had been suggested to somebody else I spoke to recently as a “grounding” practice.
But yeah, any other suggestions for bringing the joy balance back into my life would also be very welcome. In the meantime, you will mainly find me trying to carve out some good old fashion vacay days and keeping busy with my gratitude practice.
Or maybe the answer is meditation? This week I’m also giving a shout out to Numinous contributor Ellie Burrows, who opened her dedicated meditation studio, MNDFL, in Manhattan last night. Okay, wow, we first chatted about this project in the spring (I remember cos it was the first day she’d worn open-toe shoes this year), and six short months later, enter a beautiful, chic and cosy space in the Village offering a “space to breathe” seven days a week. (Although how much space to breathe this project will allow Ellie while it gets up and running remains to be seen – see above! And enter my acupuncturist’s other suggestion – “a slow-entrepreneurship movement.”)
Most classes are 30-45 minutes, with a few juicy two-hour workshops thrown in (like the one on Love & Justice next Thursday) – and are categorized along the themes in the image below. Read the MNDFL manifesto and check out the full class schedule here. Ellie Burrows, we love you!
