Feelings Archives - Page 3 of 3

HEART’S DESIRE: A NEW MOON SEX MAGIC RITUAL

Posted on February 18, 2015November 5, 2018 by Ruby Warrington

Time for a really radical approach to self-love…The anonymous writer behind sex positive site Girly Juice shares her recipe for a New Moon sex magic ritual

Image: Conrad Jones — *Image: Conrad C. Jones*

Sex energy is powerful magic. It’s pure joy and ecstasy, particularly at the moment of orgasm. It taps you into your Source so easily, quickly, wholly, and pleasurably, it can make your head spin. Sex educator Annie Sprinkle calls this “medibation”: a synthesis between masturbation and meditation. Two of my favorite things!

Lately I’ve been doing masturbation-magic rituals in the hopes of manifesting my dream sexual relationship, so I focus on the wonderful feelings and visualize someone else being there with me – working, as always, to feel the feelings I want to feel with them in the now. But you can do this kind of ritual in the service of any desire, so long as you can stay focused on it and use it to get into the feelings associated with it.

Preparation
I like to set the scene by lighting a scented candle, putting on some music that reflects the mood I’m trying to get into (for me, R&B slow-jam playlists on Spotify are a godsend), and cleaning up the space in which I’m going to get busy. If your intention is to meet a new partner, tidying up your bedroom and bed is a way of symbolically and literally making space for that person to enter your reality.

Wear whatever clothing makes you feel gorgeous and in tune with your desired feeling(s). That may be nothing at all, or a silky vintage slip and high heels, or a pair of leather handcuffs and a rose quartz pendulum necklace, or even a boss-lady pantsuit…So long as you feel fantastic in it (and can comfortably masturbate in it!), it’s fair game.

*The Orgasmic Pentagram by Sergio Saucedo via Behance.net*

Crystals
I was fascinated when I heard several months ago about rose quartz dildos, a brief trend in the world of sex toys. Rose quartz is, after all, the crystal of love (including self-love), so it makes perfect sense to use it in this sort of ritual!

You can find rose quartz in various different shapes and sizes, including dildo-esque massage wands, but I have a heart-shaped piece so that’s what I use. The smoothness of a tumbled stone makes it ideal for sliding over your lips, nipples, labia, anywhere that’s craving attention. Visualize the stone spreading love energy to every area it touches.

If you’re comfortable inserting the crystal vaginally and keeping it there for the duration of the ritual, you can do that too. It’s powerful to feel love energy radiating out from literally inside you. But be careful: while it can’t get “lost” inside your vagina, you might have trouble removing the crystal later if you insert it too deeply. (And please, never put a crystal in your butt!)

Other crystals can also work beautifully. Red ones, like garnet and ruby, may increase the flow of sexual energy and pleasure in and around your root chakra. Just make sure to research any crystal before inserting it into your body – some crystals dissolve in moisture. If you’re not sure, put a condom on it. And, obviously, avoid putting anything rough or sharp in a sensitive area. Smooth stones only!

Other tools and toys
In addition to any crystals you have on hand, you should use any tools or toys you normally like to use. Keeping it simple, with just your hands, may feel the most organic and connective, but there’s nothing wrong with using vibrators or other toys to help the process along – we live in the modern age, after all, and we should take advantage of that fact! I’d recommend avoiding any really loud vibrators, though, because the noise can be distracting when you’re trying to focus on a feeling or an image.

*Image: Steven Ratcliffe via Behance.net*

Visualization
While you pleasure yourself, visualize what you’re trying to manifest. Give yourself over to that visualization fully, so that the feelings of it wash over you. It can be helpful to say affirmations out loud, stated as if you had already achieved what you’re trying to manifest. For example, in my rituals for manifesting my ideal sexual partner, I might say things like; “This is the best sex I’ve ever had!” or “You’re very good at that!” It can feel a little silly, but any self-consciousness usually melts away once I fully surrender to the fantasy and the pleasure.

Timing
Take your time; don’t rush. “Edging” (repeatedly approaching orgasm but then backing off before the actual climax) can help build arousal levels and sexual energy so that the peak will be a bigger explosion. At the eventual moment of orgasm, whenever it finally happens, hold the desired image in your mind and maybe speak a word or phrase that encapsulates what you want – if you’re coherent enough to manage it!

When you’re done, take a few minutes to catch your breath and bask in the feeling you’ve created for yourself. This is also a lovely time for deep, meditative breathing, because all the delicious neurotransmitters traveling around your body will be making you feel extra calm.

Do you ever use your orgasms as a tool for magic-making and manifesting? I want to hear all about it!

Read more like this at Girlyjuice.net

A LESSON IN LOVE: THE PEYOTE DIARIES

Posted on January 27, 2015November 5, 2018 by Ruby Warrington

“If Ayahuasca is the head medicine, Peyote is to heal the heart.” One woman shares her Peyote journey, and tells how the mystical cactus helped her find her family. Images: Daniel R. Moore (homepage) and Abbey Watkins (post), both via Behance.net

“I first heard about Peyote about four years ago when a friend told me about his experience in Arizona at the Church of Peyote, where he went to one ceremony after another for three months straight. I was captivated, and let him talk for three hours. His story was magical and he told it with so much love I could feel it. Also having known him for a while, I could see how his experiences had changed him as a person.

He continued to tell me whenever his “Roadman” (what the Church of Peyote call their Shaman) was doing a ceremony, and I always thought about doing it but the time was never right. Until my ex-boyfriend, also a mutual friend, texted me out of the blue three days after his first ceremony saying; “hey, I think I found OUR medicine.”

He and I share a very intimate knowledge of each other’s problems, and having taken Peyote he said he thought it could help me in the same way it helped him.
And so six months later, when I found out that he was organizing a meeting in Europe in two weeks time, it felt like a no-brainer. I had $200 in my pocket, but I was like, ‘fuck it, I have to make it work.’

He’s a pretty social guy and word had got around, so there were about 40 people in attendance. It was taking place in quite a remote place, and I travelled 24 hours to get there and missed the first round of medicine, so I was asking everybody how it was. They told me; “if it’s for you, life will just make sense.”

But I already knew it was for me.

Each tribe has their own way of running their ceremony, but I’ve done four ceremonies with the same guys now and it starts with burning tobacco, which opens up a channel to the spiritual world. The Roadman runs the ceremony, and then there’s a Fire Chief, whose job it is to make sure the fire, the “Grandfather,” stays bright and beautiful all night.

The person arranging the ceremony is in the “sponsored seat,” and they set the intention for the night. The Doorman’s job is to make sure people are sitting in the right spot and to keep things clean when people “get well” (throw up). The Drummer drums for everybody individually, and we all sing. And if the men run the ceremony, one female is also chosen to bring food – corn, meat and fruit – and water in the morning.

After the tobacco the Sponsor sets the intention for the night, then the medicine starts rolling, which comes in completely different forms depending on the Roadman. My first time, it came in four forms – a paste, a fresh form, a tea and a cold juice, and we were invited to take a portion of each. It’s a very acquired taste and all you can smell for two days afterwards is Peyote…I can’t describe it, because there’s nothing else like it and you know it right away; the mescaline.

As for how it makes me feel? The first time it made me really, really tired. So tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open. So the challenge was to sit and pay attention for nine hours straight.

It also really amplifies feelings. If Ayahuasca is the head medicine, then Peyote is the heart medicine. With Aya you take it and you go somewhere else, but with Peyote you’re completely grounded. I could talk to you like I am now, no problem, it’s just everything is amplified. In your head you’re able to connect the dots, like when you’re smoking weed, but in your heart it’s like taking MDMA – when you feel connected to everything, and you’re able to understand what everybody else is feeling.

Some people get trippy visuals but I never have. That first time I did feel raindrops on my shoulder which obviously weren’t there, and which turned into a feeling of joy that spread over my whole body. For me it feels like love is in that tepee, I don’t know how else to explain it. And afterwards, I always feel supercharged.

After my first time, I did two more ceremonies in the space of two weeks. I only took a small amount the first time and didn’t get well, but the second time I decided I wanted to dedicate my experience to different people in my life and wrote down ten names – so I took a spoonful of medicine for each of them…and got super well!

I saw it like there was obviously something that needed healing in each of those relationships, because when I took a spoonful for each of the same ten people the next time, I was flying high – a high that lasted six months. You go to places in your head where you get so emotional, and I often cry all the way through which is an amazing release in itself.

Now I feel like I’d do it once a month to keep me on track, like you might see a therapist. It can become a way of life, but for some people once a year is enough. Personally, I’d like to learn more, to understand the culture more and all the details about how to run a ceremony. They’d never let a woman put the tepee up, but I’m fascinated by the way they tie the knots in a certain way to honour the elements and stuff…and to learn about it, I just need to spend more time with them.

Also, the Roadman I follow is hilarious – he’s covered in tats, like a Mexican gangster, and he’s a funny motherfucker! For me he bridges the gap between my world and the ancient spiritual world, which makes it all so much more relatable to me. I told my friend I think I’m in love with him; he was like, ‘get in line!’

More recently, visiting Phoenix Arizona for a ceremony to celebrate the 13th wedding anniversary of my Roadman and his wife was one of the most beautiful things I’ve every experienced. I felt so blessed to go to the place where they’ve been doing these ceremonies for thousands of years. It was like visiting the holy land. But I’ve also done one with a different tribe in the Bronx in New York City, which was run by my Roadman’s ‘brother.’

People in the Peyote families know each other as relatives, and they believe that if you bring a partner into the circle and sit next to each other, that means you’re partners for life. It comes down to the fact that if you know this medicine works for you, then you feel a connection to other people in the same circles. It’s like there’s something in your makeup that’s the same, or you understand that maybe you experience the same kind of problems in life.

For me, the most beautiful part of my whole experience has been learning what real family connection feels like. Seeing how much the families respect each other, it’s ridiculous – and it’s why I keep going back.

Growing up, I never understood what family values were – my parents were there, but not emotionally. We’re very distant as a family. My friends are the people I would take a bullet for – but through the ceremonies, I’m learning how to forge a connection with my blood relatives too. The most important lesson has been to understand their value in my life, and to respect that. I appreciate them more for who they are now – and understand why maybe I should text my mom just to tell her I love her from time to time.

Elsewhere, it’s brought me so much clarity. Meeting new people, I can tell what kind of relationship we’re going to have, and if I used to have a tendency to give too much, now I’m aware of when that’s happening so I can stop. It’s like I’ve been granted an outside perspective. I’ve also learned to listen more and absorb stuff without feeling like I need to react right away. To just sit, and pay attention. I feel like I approach everything in a more peaceful, patient and positive way. And my close friends have all been able to see it.”

Peyote dear illustration by Daniel R Moore featured on TheNuminous.net — *Image: Daniel R Moore via Behance.net*

WHY YOU NEED TO KNOW YOUR MOON SIGN ASTROLOGY

Posted on October 22, 2014November 5, 2018 by Ruby Warrington

Want to understand your deepest emotional needs on a totally cosmic level? You need to know your Moon sign, says Ruby Warrington…

Moon tarot card to illustrate post on moon sign astrology. Read more at Thenuminous.net — *“The Moon sign is a gateway to the ‘subtle realms’ of being”*

2014 was the year I learned to love my Moon sign. With a headstrong Aries Sun and outgoing Sagittarius rising, there’s been a tendency in my life for my sensitive, comfort-loving Cancer Moon to get torched by all that fire and bravado. NOT COOL. Your Moon sign holds the key to your deepest emotional needs – so ignore what it’s telling you at your peril.

The Sun, Rising and Moon signs are usually the first place any astrologer goes when they’re interpreting a birth chart – and I like to think of them as representing the mind / ego (the Sun), the body (Rising) and the soul (Moon). Viewed this way, the Moon sign is a gateway to the “subtle realms” of being, and is also linked to the subconscious and our instinctual patterns and habits. It’s where things get DEEP, man.

As a being invested in the concept of personal development for TOTAL SELF ACTUALIZATION (as in, getting to a place where you are fully primed to bring your unique gifts to the Universe), you can see how Moon signs have become my latest astro obsession. Know your Moon, know your potential on a truly souful/cosmic level.

To find out your Moon sign, you first need to do your birth chart – which you can get for free by entering your date, time and place of birth at Astro.com. And don’t worry if you don’t know your precise time of birth, your Moon sign can be calculated with just the date and place. Ready already? Here’s a brief overview of how your Moon sign could show up for you.

:: MOON IN ARIES ::
You want it all and you want it now. Instant gratification rules, and there’s a sense of always needing to keep moving forwards. When emotional stuff comes up for you, it rises quickly to the surface to be torched. In fact, you’re so ready to face uncomfortable situations head on, to some people it might look like you actually enjoy conflict. Rather, it just doesn’t phase you – and seeing as you experience your emotions in the moment, kind of like a two-year-old, these flare-ups are just a way of processing emotional energy out of your body. Your gift is to not hold onto a grudge. Your friends and family get what they see. Satisfy this Moon sign by constantly seeking out new experiences. But beware – not every new thing you “want” (new Marc Jacobs bag, new toy-boy) is also a soul-serving “need.”

:: MOON IN TAURUS ::
It’s all about the creature comforts. Lunar Taureans need to feel connected to their “stuff” to feel secure, and will be driven to create a solid “home base” in every area of life. Relationships, career, money – you’re in it for the long-haul. This steadfast energy can come across as being a bit “stuck in your ways,” and for sure, change is something this Moon sign will avoid like visit to the dentist for a root canal. Emotional outbursts are a rarity – when things stir you up you prefer to take a practical approach. Oh, and you’re probably familiar with the whole “emotional overeating” thing, as you find comfort in being grounded in the world through your physical senses. Evolve this Moon sign by working on creating a solid core within. Who knows – then it might feel okay to let go sometimes.

:: MOON IN GEMINI ::
Information overload? Yes please. The Gemini Moon needs constant stimulation to keep up with its restless, analytical nature. When emotional situations come up, talking therapy was made for you. Your mind refuses to butt out, and your instinct is to talk it out, and out, and out. As soon as a situation is broke, you’ll want to fix it – in some cases before it’s broke, too. Making constant tweaks to your life (and living situation) is a way of feeling into your soul needs – but this scattered approach can sometimes see you taking two steps forward, one giant leap back in your emotional evolution. Super sociable, you find comfort in crowds and love anything that connects you emotionally to other people. To soothe this Moon sign, amp up your meditation practise and commit sometimes to simply: “Let it be.”

:: MOON IN CANCER ::
Nurturing or mothering, of the self and others, is a natural impulse for the Cancer Moon, as both the planet and the sign represent “mother” energy in the birth chart. Situations involving any kind of upset (an argument with your mother, the wrong take-out order showing up) can leave a deep imprint on your emotional body – meaning you really need to embrace “feeling feelings” as bottling things up is particularly dangerous for you. Also supremely sensitive to the moods and emotions of others, you seek security, familiarity and comfort (to the point of OCD) to cushion yourself from these energetic knocks and bumps. Life without emotional boundaries can be scary – hence the urge seek safety at all costs. Having women in your life that you feel deeply bonded with is a non-negotiable. Ditto a regular self-care regimen on both a physical and and spiritual level.

:: MOON IN LEO ::
Opposed to Sun in Leos, where a life out of the spotlight is a life half lived, Lunar Leos prefer to take center stage behind closed doors. An audience of close family and friends is going to be wayyy more forgiving after all – and likely to shower you with the adoration you crave. It’s not like you won’t love bomb ‘em right back. Playing fair and cleaning up your side of the street is a matter of pride. And as much as you like to be demonstrative with your affections, you can be prone to emotional outbursts if you feel your generous heart has been taken advantage of. When you’re not playing the superstar, you also get an emotional charge from stepping into a more directorial role. Mentoring others is nourishment for your magnanimous soul (you’ll even forgive the ones who try to tell you you’re just being bossy). Practice radical self-love with this Moon, and watch your heart swell and your soul sing in return.

:: MOON IN VIRGO ::
Can you be of service, please? Virgo Moons have a deep-seated need to be useful, coupled with an ability to find security in the small practicalities of daily life. Even better, show you sufficient appreciation (we love you, we do!) and the emotional satisfaction you find in getting everything neatly lined-up extends to helping us sort out the lives of the ones you love, too. It’s actually how you express your tender feelings for others. And if you can be reserved when it comes to showing your own emotions, your calculated approach to problem solving means you get a kick analyzing what you see swimming in other people’s sentimental soup. When you’re feeling insecure, there’s a tendency for nit-picking and perfectionism – even if it’s mainly aimed at yourself. The trick is to pick a routine where you get to excel, and stick to it. Keeping things simple and living a spartan life, and the sense of efficiency this brings, is a balm for your soul.

:: MOON IN LIBRA ::
It’s all about your plus ones. Libra Moon needs partnerships to feel complete – in love, life and work, the world opens up and becomes an altogether friendlier, safer place with your wingman (or woman) by your side. Which means you’re often the one doing a lot of the compromising in relationships. Your deepest soul yearning insists that maintaining the cosy status quo is way more important than any psychological point scoring. In fact, a harmonious home life is essential to your emotional wellbeing – bet you’ve got a GREAT relationship with your parents, right? (On the surface at least). Weirdly, the flipside of this can be perfectionist tendencies when it comes to your closest relationships. Life must be a “beautiful” experience, and you expect the same high ideals from other people. Anything less than a total commitment to doing the “right thing” can feel painfully unjust. Accepting that life just isn’t fair sometimes is your emotional chill pill.

:: MOON IN SCORPIO ::
Total emotional intensity or bust. Scorpio Moons have zero time for frivolity and need to experience a sense of complete soul bonding in their relationships to feel secure. Evidently very psychic to those who know you well, your intuition is rooted in an innate understanding of human nature – what makes us tick, our motivation and desires. And pushing these buttons in the name of forcing emotional honesty can be a favorite pastime. Ouch – there’s that famous “sting.” Emotional upheavals are welcomed, as they often lead to or accompany periods of intense transformation –Viagra for the soul of a Scorpio Moon. There can also be a tendency to want to control the emotions of others – for their own good, of course – using a killer combo of seduction and manipulative tactics. This power play can be awesome to watch too, which is what makes Scorpio Moons so damn seductive. Make using your considerable powers for good the goal.

:: MOON IN SAGITTARIUS ::
Sagittarius Moon will feel threatened wherever there is a lack – even a perceived lack – of personal freedom. Security comes in knowing where the Cosmic escape route is, and so long as the exit is clearly marked this easy-going Moon sign is set to happy-go-lucky by default. It’s all about having the wiggle room to go wherever the mood takes you. “Home” is almost an abstract concept – the consummate rolling stone, you actually feel most comfortable camped out on the side of a mountain or under the desert sky. In fact, Burning Man? MADE for your Moon. As for commitment issues? It might look like that to some people. When the emotional going gets tough, lets just say you’re not the most likely to stick around to “work through stuff.” Your MO when dealing with any dramas is to just look on the bright side. Yes, optimism can be a strong suit, but not when it comes with a set of blinkers attached. Evolution lies in overcoming your fear of the dark.

:: MOON IN CAPRICORN ::
Everything is under control. No matter how flamboyant the external self, behind the scenes the Capricorn Moon has got your emotional life on lock down. Self-discipline in the face of unruly feelings is a way to stay safe, and putting your own emotional needs second to those of others is a natural instinct. But opposed to simply bottling things up, this speaks more to a need to earn respect from the people you love and an ability to compartmentalize emotions to be dealt with swiftly and efficiently on your own time. Due diligence in every area of life is essential for Capricorn Moon. Putting strategies in place and working with tradition creates a sense of security, especially in situations where there’s a perceived risk of appearing vulnerable or lacking in control. The need to create a secure base will likely be reflected in the way you handle your finances – retail therapy for you looks more like investing in a piece of prime real estate or a private pension.

:: MOON IN AQUARIUS ::
My emotions feel very different from your emotions. Aquarius Moon is overtly aware that each individual experiences the world according to their own unique perspective. There is comfort to be found in expressing your own uniqueness, like; “this is how I feel.” There’s an instinct to stand out, even to shock others in the name of shaking up the status quo. Sentimental situations that threaten to keep you stuck in the past are shunned in favor of grand emotional designs on future events. A deeply rooted humanitarian urge stems from this broadminded, liberal worldview, which also sees you determined to “rise above” petty emotional situations that cloud your vision of the bigger picture. Floating above all that earthy, human stuff is a way too feel safe too – even if it means you can appear to be quite detached from the realities of everyday life. Actually your friendships here on Earth are your soul support system. Nurture them.

:: MOON IN PISCES ::
Your inner knowing is all you need. An unwavering faith in your own intuition is what Pisces Moon calls home. If it feels right, it’s right. If it feels wrong, you just won’t go there. What could be safer than that? Your ability to feel feelings extends to the emotions of others too, and coupled with your natural instinct to heal every wounded soul you encounter it can be easy for you to get lost in who needs what. As a result, learning to clear and protect your own energy is essential for this Moon. Time alone with your own thoughts and visions (a.k.a. daydreaming) is also a self-care must. It’s how you restock your vast emotional reserves. Ditto your spiritual practice. Regularly communing with the divine creates a sense of security about your place in the grand scheme of the Cosmos, and confirms what you already know – that we are all connected. In fact, it’s completely instinctual for you to swim in and out of other people’s experience of the world, and then report back through your own artistic endeavors.

DARK FAIRY DELIRIUM: WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE A GEMINI

Posted on May 31, 2014November 4, 2018 by Nadia Noir

We’ve just experienced a powerful New Moon in multi-faceted Gemini, gifting us an opportunity to embrace the quicksilver side of ourselves. Nadia Noir gives an insight into a life spent searching for “the other me.” Images: Bela Borsodi for Document Journal.

When I was 10-years-old, my mother took me to a bulk retail store full of tiny sausages, discounted toilet paper, seven kinds of hummus before that was a thing, and kitschy forms of entertainment. It was coming up on my birthday so she told me I could buy two things. Anything I wanted. I went for a box set of every Disney song ever recorded and a giant astrology book with hundreds of pages of words, pictures of animals, gemstones, and a diagram for drawing out your natal chart.

I remember turning to the pages that talked about Gemini and seeing birds and monkeys inked across the pages, “yellow” being a prominent theme color, and descriptive words like “superficial,” “mercurial,” “intellectual” and “social butterfly” describing the tiny little Gemini creature that was me. I took the book home and with compass in hand, painstakingly drew out my chart. Eventually, months later, I thought I had solved the puzzle that was me. I was done. Everything about me was illuminated. Or, so I thought.

From that point forward, I told people that I was not a Gemini. There were other parts of my chart that described me and I was not, I was never a Gemini. I was something else entirely. An astrological amalgamation of all the other things in my chart. I was the diplomatic, regal drama of my Leo Rising. I was the lurid, panty-scorching nymphomania of my Scorpio moon. I was the warm campfire-scented sensuality of my Venus in Taurus which was also my Midheaven which was also in my tenth house and one time an astrologer I met at 3am in a coffee shop said I am basically ruled by Venus, which means I was definitely not a Gemini.

Geminis were bubbly. They talked a lot. They didn’t feel. That was the main reason I decided I wasn’t a Gemini. I had feelings. Massive ones that swung me up into the air like a father tossing his child into a sun-drenched sky only to forget to catch the child. I was a broken fairy, wings crushed against the pavement.

And for years I walked in this haze of what I perceived as Scorpionic darkness, sometimes washed over with emotions so cruel and body-crushing that the manic-pixie-dream-girl that was my Gemini side couldn’t survive. She would either choke on saltwater tears, sleeping in bathtubs and reading Victorian erotica, or she would rebel by taking my Moon out dancing in full-on drunken nymphette revelry, a sheen of lascivious Gemini glee captured mischievously through the stoic mask of my Leo features.

I called her the “Party Slut.” She would die the next day in a wave of pity or guilt or hungover misunderstanding. Her glitter, scattered across the floor in impossible rainbows, would be swept up into a tiny bottle with a stopper that was to be cracked open for “emergencies only.”

The emergency came half-way through my Saturn Return. I was red wine drunk at my friend’s clothing store. We were listening to Mariah Carey and in our perpetual, drunken Thelma and Louise-ish state, I was finally understanding what love might mean and I knew one day I wanted to find real love and instead of just flailing and weeping naked in a series of hot and cold baths that lasted for hours like I would usually do, my supposedly Scorpionic shell cracked. What I uncovered was a changeling, a creature so fierce and fluid that only the power of the wind (which I’ve always adored) could whip the edges into place after a few nights of unashamed shape-shifting. What I uncovered (or stopped negating, rather) was my Gemini.

That pendulum swing of moods? That was pure Gemini. Dancing around the Maypole. Dry humping the Maypole. Turning the Maypole into a stripper pole. And then, when the Maypole stopped being amusing, smashing and burning the Maypole into a sacred effigy of youth lost. The lack of the supposedly quintessential Gemini charm? That was my Gemini side analyzing, surveying, prospecting, dissecting, and poking at people. Pinching their souls until they were bruised and raw. I was writing an eternal, internal book on everyone’s every movement until I could find the two sides to them. I wanted everyone to have two sides. I wanted to see in them what I could not find in myself. It was then they became whole.

All that time that I was denying my Gemininess, I was being a classic Gemini. Trying to find another piece to make me feel complete, to solve the riddle, to cease the shifting, from light to dark and back again. Every time I switched my style from ’60s girl group to ’50s beatnik to sequin-crazy glam rock goddess to paisley goth to raw vegan yoga girl, that was me trying to find my other half. Every time I took a shot of Patron or a shot of wheatgrass or burned sage or burned bridges, that was me trying to understand the other me.

My Gemini search engine was constantly spiritually downloading all the information ever over the yin-yang network of life. And, I am not alone in this. Gemini Stevie Nicks may be the White Witch, but she twirls around in black fringe and scowls at the world through her mystical lyrics. Everyone adores her. Gemini Prince is the Purple One; he also scowls at the world through his sex-laden, dualistic androgyny. At one point, he even denied his own existence and renamed himself (something I also always do.) And yet, everyone adores him. Morrissey is a Gemini and he’s like the King of Scowling. For some reason, everyone loves Moz. Angelina Jolie, the world’s favorite altruistic sexpot who once wore her ex-husband’s blood in a vial around her neck? Much beloved Gemini.

Danny Elfman, who is known for his childlike yet dark and twisted music? Everyone’s favorite creepy Gemini. All these Gemini celebrities and musicians walk on the shadow side of life, communicating their dazzling talents through the erotic or the wanton or the esoteric and they do it in a way that perpetuates that primal, intoxicating buzz of teen lust. And that’s why a Gemini is so adored.

Just like me, they dance deliriously to the sound of the pan pipes leading them into a forest full of flower-strewn orgies and sequin-studded shoes, consummate teenagers in a state of angst or ecstasy. Dark fairies or genies ready to grant your every wish or impishly antagonize you until they get bored and give up.

But that’s the thing I learned about Geminis, that I should have learned that day when I was ten years old, drawing out my birth chart and plotting to succeed at it no matter how much it confused me. A Gemini never gives up. They pick up the broken skeletal remains of their wings, glue them back together with blood and stardust, and wink at the next person who passes by to hitch a ride, get a job, make-out, or maybe if they’re lucky, all three.

Nadia Noir is a writer that likes black tea, blackberry scones, black cats, the smell of black leather, and the sartorial combo of black and gold. She likes to twerk naked until she’s drenched in sweat and make love to the sounds of psychedelic sitar. She still cries a lot and goes into fits of possessive Scorpionic rage, but her Forever 16 Gemini just pushed her off the bed and told her to shut up and get over herself. She just now got over herself and totally forgot what we were talking about.

@nadianoir

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