Healers and empaths – sometimes you gotta give yourself some TLC, as recommended by Deborah Hanekamp… Artwork: found on Pinterest
This bath is medicine for the empath, some healing for the healer, and a way to soak up the power and presence of your own energy.
Taking a ritual bath combined with the self-healing treatment of Reiki has been a gift for me over the past 15 years working as a Medicine Woman and Reiki Master. And my heart is fed by sharing it now, for it is essential for Reiki Practitioners to regularly balance our chakras, clear blockages and call in our abundance as light workers.
I believe that the more people there are practicing Reiki, the more peaceful the world will be. To effectively share the enduring magic of Reiki, we must strengthen our “Reiki muscles” – beginning with self-healing, self-care, and personal ritual.
:: INGREDIENTS ::
Fresh pink roses, rosemary, and basil, to cover the surface of the bath water
Baking Soda: 1 TBSP Apple Cider Vinegar: 1 TBSP Epsom Salt: 1 Cup Crystals of: Peach Moonstone, Fluorite and Amethyst Cedar Wood, Jasmine and Rosemary essential oils: A few drops each
Combine all ingredients in a tub of water as hot as you can stand
:: RITUAL ::
Clear your energy by smudging your body with sacred Palo Santo smoke, including the soles of your feet and back of your head
For practitioners of Reiki 2 and up draw Se Hey Ki over the tub water
Step into the bath and dunk your head under the water
Place the Peach Moonstone crystal on your solar plexus, the Fluorite on your heart chakra, and the Amethyst on your third eye
Begin a self-healing treatment, combined with deep, rhythmic Ujjayi breath
When your self-healing treatment is finished, dunk your head under the water again and chant the sounds of the seven chakras from root to crown; LAM, VAM, RAM, YAM, HAM, AUM (the crown chakra’s sound is silence).
Check outAlexandra Roxo’s recommendations for some high vibrational sound currents whether you want to drop into a deep meditative state or throw a dance party…
Workin’ that post kundalini glow in Joshua Tree.
I think spiritual music can sometimes get a bad rap. (No I don’t mean spiritual rap. Though that’s also a thing apparently.) I mean more on the kirtan/chill vibes spiritual music. Like when you wanna open your heart and commune kinda music. I usually keep this for my solo time and don’t go around town asking friends: “Did you hear the latest Ong Namo?”
I mean how often do you put on a little “Om Kali” at a dinner party? I save that for when I’m journaling or getting ready to meditate. Or with one or two besties. But I got to thinking… Why not put that on at a dinner too?
I’ve been listening to Krishna Das for years. And Bhagavan Das. Probably while reading Ram Das. Basically got the Das’s on lock. I’ve gone to their concerts, sat on the floor and chanted “Om Namah Shiva” at the top of my lungs with the best of them (including my Mom). I also re-fell in love with Tom Kenyon recently. His tone can throw you into a meditative state immediately where you feel like you’ve ascended into Lemuria and are literally a star. Sigh. For deep and soulful man vibes these dudes have got us covered. But where my ladies at?
I hadn’t heard many female voices until I came across Snatam Kaur, one of the most well-known chantresses in the scene. And she was the gateway drug for me into the world of angelic-women-dressed-in-white-singing-Kundalini-mantras-long-hair-flowing-in-the-breeze artists. Maybe long dress flowing in the breeze rather than hair, since most of these ladies wear turbans.
So I went to Sat Nam Fest in Joshua Tree to check out some of the best ladies in the Spiritual Music scene!I’m not really a festival kinda gal. (YET!) Big groups and pack-mentality freak me out, and as far as turbans go, well I had a turban phase at age 19 when I was first “waking” up but haven’t worn one since. Turban or no turban Sat Nam Fest was really great. I bought the most amazing raw chocolates from a glowing 13-year-old boy and bought some white linen cause, well, linen is classic. (Kundalini wear by morning/Goddess garb by night!) After that I listened to some amazing music.
The ladies of kundalini are all an instant mood lifter. Angel/Fairy vibes abound. They are all love and light. When you’ve stored a day’s amount of anxiety in your chest and you need some light and love vibes call upon these women.
Pure angel. Her rendition of Ave Maria blew me away, and when my yoga teacher plays her song “Into My Arms” I immediately go into child’s pose for a cry searching for some arms to leap into. And I fell asleep watching this video recently which seems like a stoner moment but it was just a trippy amazing life moment to dream with this in my face.
Okay watch this and skip to 00:53 in. YES PLEASE. This couple and their baby and their whole vibe is well, amazing. Imma put them on my “Sacred Partnership” vision board ASAP. Swoon.
The most famous lady Kundalini singer, mentioned above, and her rendition of May the Long Time Sun has gotten me through many a tough time. Like deep hard times. She and Ashana have your back.
I had never heard of her ‘til Sat Nam Fest and her voice is gentle with a little folk in it. Plus her videos are really beautiful, and she does these cute Youtube videos called The Simrit Sessions – and I love this one on the power of cold showers!
She may be the youngest of these ladies but her voice is quite powerful. I’m not sure if a fan made this video or what but it has some of my fave things in it: merkabas, Ganesha, octopi, matrix light fields…Psychedelic meets kundalini is an instant yes for me!
I was quite inspired by the way these ladies work with their beloveds. Ashana’s husband was on stage with her and he played the bowls with her and I watched them. Simrit and Jai Dev slay with their joint devotion. Spiritual J and Bey vibes all around. I’m not saying we should all start bands with our lovers, but these ladies are onto something.Beyond the beautiful music, all these artists are major healers. Tune in any time you’re going through a transition. A breakup. Want to dip into the heart space. While in a bath. In traffic. Or at a dinner party with your most cynical, non-spiritual friends. Look, anytime. It’s medicine.
“Yell if you need to. Need if you need to. Just don’t be scared. Just don’t not live while you are here.” – Cleo Wade
Warriors of the heart come close and listen with open ears. Having your natal moon sign in Aries gives you the torch to be the leader of your own path. The Moon represents our own emotional landscape within the birth chart. It highlights how we nurture, how we express our feelings, and what we need to feel safe in this life. And it’s important to learn how to properly feed this part of ourselves.
An Aries Moon sign goes after what it wants without immediately thinking about the needs of others, because this sign expects everyone to do just the same. Go for what you want, take as much as you need. It’s the thrill of that chase that Aries loves. It’s not that this sign doesn’t care for others, though. Quite the contrary. They will fight for those they love, rally behind a belief and inspire the masses. The Aries Moon sign is filled with passion for all it desires, and wants badly to strike when the iron is hot.
Work out your moon sign, when you do you chart for free here.
This is an outspoken moon. A real straight-no-chaser. You want to be seen and heard for who you really are without the looming fear of being judged. You are confident enough to keep going even if others don’t like what you are saying or doing, though. Alas, you can get a bit cranky if you feel someone else is constantly getting their feelings hurt over your vivacious candor. People in your circles need to know that you are sugar in the raw.
You don’t sweeten the pot but you do tell it like it is. You support others by being real with them. You are strong and independent and people gravitate to that energy. You feel supported when people bring that passionate energy to the table as well. You want honest emotional dialogue that may even be a bit edgy.
Because you are naturally so strong you have the ability to help others get stronger. You are brave and courageous and inspire those you care for or just engage with on a regular basis to find that strength within themselves. You act as the safe island in the center of the storm. Teaching others to be self-approved is very empowering and quite a gift to share. The world needs to learn to be okay in its skin, and your Aries moon sign means you were born with this ability. Not that you don’t have weak moments, but all that fire allows you to shake it off quicker and get back to business.
Below are some ways to bring forth the beauty that is your Aries moon sign, so you can feel more in tune with yourself while helping others benefit as well.
:: HEALTHY COMPETITION :: Aries is ruled by Mars, the god of war. You thrive on competing with others and if you don’t find a way to release that fire you burn up emotionally. This can make you react aggressively and start fights unnecessarily. It will soothe your heart to find a healthy outlet to express any excess competitive energy.
This could be through a favorite sport or a hobby where practice makes perfect. Keep in mind the Aries moon sign gets bored easily if they lose interest in something. The fire goes out quick if the interest wanes, and so you must choose something that will perpetually challenge you.
:: GET VULNERABLE :: Because you are so fiery, you may stay away from situations that require tenderness or vulnerability. Putting yourself in situations where you must embrace your softer side could be really beneficial. Try something that actually scares you. Not in a dangerous way of course, but in a way that deep down you think you might fail at.
If you find yourself struggling at something, ask for help. Actually, give yourself the time and space to be upset over something. If you are disappointed because you didn’t achieve what you wanted, let yourself feel it, process it and then move on. If you fall you can get back up and start again (one of your specialties) but the “pause and feel,” is where your work is. Allowing yourself this, you will begin again even stronger than before.
:: VOLUNTEER :: Inspire others through service. You have the bravest heart, and we need your heart to guide us into a stronger collective space. You have the power to lead by example and if you know it’s unhealthy to not let out all of that inherent dynamic energy why not share it for the good of all?
You’ve been blessed with an innate resilience that takes others most of their lives to accumulate. You can show your tribe how to battle the right way. For love instead of hate. You are the lunar symbol of initiation and can see the spark of a good idea. You can gather others to embrace the start of something amazing. You can connect with something bigger than yourself and then everyone has the opportunity to succeed.
:: PATIENCE:: Because you are quick to go where your heart points you have the tendency to be impatient. It would serve you well to slow down and process the things that propel you in life. I would suggest Hatha yoga or Tai Chi. You need balance poses and slower movements synced with your breath. The challenge, which is a must for you, is in how well you can move like honey while being graceful and strong.
What we experience with our bodies has a huge impact on our minds and hearts. For example, focusing on taking a difficult shape/posture while maintaining composure can help us be a little more humble in our daily lives. Being such a quick-trigger can sometimes get you into trouble. Therefore, having an art in your life that teaches you to pause will help transform your emotional impulses.
Dear Aries moon sign, you are the pioneer of the emotional heavens. Let that light shine bright enough for us all to keep our heads held high.
Plus: healing my throat chakra, refining my elevator pitch, and conversation with the sober curious…
:: MONDAY :: Skype chats about possible future collabs with beautiful Fern Olivia turned into a mini coaching session for me, after I shared how nervous I was feeling about hosting our Club SÖDA NY event this week (see below!) Public speaking is NOT my thing you guys. So Fern gives me a beautiful meditation to do beforehand to help open my throat chakra: lying down, place a crystal (either something blue, or a Rose Quartz) on my throat, and slowly chant “haaam,” feeling the vibrations resonate through my throat. This while visualizing a ball of blue light spinning and expanding there, until it fills up my whole body – and beyond. Which I share with YOU in case, y’know, public speaking isn’t your favorite thing either.
:: TUESDAY :: My 11-year-old nephew (visiting from the UK): “What’s your book about Ruby?” Me: “Well, it’s about how I used to work in fashion, but it was really unfulfilling, and so I decided to use astrology, and things, to bring more meaning to my life…” Nephew: (looks non-plussed) THE NEXT DAY… Me: “You know what I said my book was about? (nephew nods) Well it’s really about how to be happy, by always making choices that are right for you.” Nephew: “Sounds great!” *way to work out your elevator pitch*
:: WEDNESDAY :: A delivery from shamanic skincare line Trimaran Botanicals – as in, it’s skincare made and blessed by a shaman! Made in Vancouver, products are not only vegan, toxin-free and filler-free, but are also blessed with spirit messages from the plant and crystal realms, and imprinted with transformational mantras and vibrational potencies. I’m trying out a serum, which smells heavenly and feels like magic as I anoint my (almost 40-year-old) face with it. Self-care doesn’t come much more high vibe.
:: THURSDAY :: Blown away by the beautiful souls who came out for my Club SÖDA NYC event with Biet Simkin (see main pics). The discussion was on learning to trust your body to make you feel fantastic, your life to get you inspired, the people you love to feel connected, and your SELF to stay true to a life of high integrity that supports your highest purpose. And to quit outsourcing any and all of the above to the quick fix of alcohol. We pitched the event as a social experiment for the sober curious – and our findings were that this is a conversation that’s only just getting started… Join the Club SÖDA NYC Facebook group to connect and find out about our next events!
:: FRIDAY :: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! And what a moment in time astrologically to be stepping into my FIFTH decade. Not only did yesterday’s Aries New Moon (potent intention-planting potential) conjunct my natal Sun to the very degree, Uranus (planet of breakthrough transformation) has passed over the exact SAME degree these past two weeks. Talk about the stars aligning for me to step into my future self with a whole fresh perspective on life, the Numiverse, and everything – which I’ll be shaping during a two week vacation in Hawaii. Which is a long way of saying, no Mystical Week column now until April 29. See you on the other side!
Plus an intro to astro dating, birthday fun, and I’m reunited with my Starchild…child.
:: MONDAY :: THIS WEEK IS ALL ABOUT OUR NUMI SWEATSHIRTS! Which you can now finally buy from our ACTUAL store, which is now fully up and running. We’re selling them in aid of an amazing charity called Urban Yogis, which helps bring the tools of yoga and meditation to inner city communities to help lessen violent street crime. YESSSS. This kind of initiative is WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT. When I asked Bob Roth, director of the David Lynch Foundation, what he thought the world would look like if everybody learned to meditate, he told me: “If even one per cent of the population learned to meditate there would be less divisiveness, and less violence. There would be more consensus and willingness to work together and be collaborative.” So…get your shirt and help support, world peace?
:: TUESDAY :: An “astro date” with amazing Luke Simon. Luke is one of my very favorite people in the entire Numiverse (found out today he’s a Libra – and Libra men, what’s not to love), and he recently announced he was offering a new kind of birth chart reading. Namely, it takes place at a spot that’s a physical reflection and manifestation of the major aspects of your chart. For me, this meant a windswept walk dow to the East River park in Williamsburg, where he told me: “the ongoing construction work taking place represents the intense period of transformation you’re going through right now.” Um, u-huh. Then there’s the view across the water to the Manhattan skyline, representing all the ambition of my Aries Sun and Sag rising – but built on the watery vulnerability of the Hudson River. A snapshot that’s me to a tee. Contact Luke here for a reading.
:: WEDNESDAY :: Got my Starchild Tarot deck back, which I’d lent to lovely Lindsay Mack when she stepped in to take over Tarotscope duties last month. Lindsay liked the cards so much she decided to invest in her own deck, and for my part, I just didn’t realize how much I’d MISS them! Like the number of times I’d be all, “hmmm, I wonder what the Starchild would say?” and then experience mild panic that they were not in my possession. I have never felt like this about a deck before. It must be love.
:: THURSDAY :: Love how somehow a cosmic metaphor follows you around – in my case, this week, life as a rollercoaster. 1) my niece and nephew arrive from the UK and suggest a trip to Coney Island this weekend. I text my friend: “I feel like what I actually need is to go on a rollercoaster and just scream my head off this week.” 2) my Strong Eye Astrology reading for the weekend advises me to “flow with the vibrant energy of the carnival.” 3) my life coach send me this link to this Jimmy Fallon skit titled “The Joy of The Rollercoaster,” as (another) metaphor for the intense period of transformation I’m going through right now. #surrenderforever
:: FRIDAY :: Counting down to my Club SÖDA NYC next Thursday with Biet Simkin. Did you get your ticket yet? And there’s a reason I’m getting a little over-excited about this one – it’s kind of also mine and Biet’s birthday party. Last night she sent me this text: “This birthday for both of us is telling a tale of the year to come, and the next decade.” Come join us to find out what she meant, and help us celebrate!
Be kind to yourself and indulge says Kate Horodyski, as questions why they must always be guilty pleasures… Artwork:Marcus Allen
A few years ago, I was flipping through a celebrity magazine, and on one of the pages, they’d asked different celebs what their guilty pleasures were. Most gave the typical answers like wine, chocolate, or online shopping, but one person, I wish I remembered who, wrote: “I don’t have any because I never feel guilty about my pleasures.”
The perfection of this caught me off guard, and it had such an impact on me. I’ve actually seen it quoted by a few different people since then, but the origin isn’t important. What’s important is how profound and amazing a concept this is.
Living things are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Obviously, right? It’s a survival mechanism, but also, what would be the point of living if it weren’t for pleasure? Somewhere along the way (many would blame organized religion, but that’s a whole other topic), the idea arose that pleasure was to be avoided and that to “indulge” in pleasure must require a healthy dose of guilt.
The message this sends is that we can’t be trusted around pleasure as if it will derail us, or something. In this scenario, guilt acts to protect us from ourselves and keep us “safe and in line.”
I’d like to propose though, that instead of only occasionally indulging in pleasure, while also feeling guilty about it, we just fully own it and make our lives as full of pleasure as possible. I think if we made pleasure (which translates to happiness) a priority, the world would be a much better place.
Because we’re so stingy with it, we’ve come to associate pleasure with selfishness or greed. But if we were more open with it, we’d see that it’s the exact opposite! Pleasure is like rocket fuel for our lives and the more we embrace pleasure, the happier and more loving and generous we can be.
How do you feel after a day of hard work, having also denied yourself delicious food, rest, or play? Are you full of energy and ready to help others? Or do you want to simultaneously cry, sleep, and eat a tub of ice cream? Now compare that to how you feel after a day of chatting with friends, eating delicious food, being outside, and having some great sex (or whatever it is that you find pleasurable). You probably feel happy, at peace, and more open to helping others.
Pleasure doesn’t have to be an expensive or lengthy process (i.e. it doesn’t need to involve a trip to the spa or a five-star resort). It can truly be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, making yourself some tea, or hugging someone you love. The beauty of pleasure is its simplicity. Pleasure means caring about yourself and offering yourself the love that you deserve.
While I write this, I keep pausing to check in on my breath and any tension in my body. The more I breathe and relax, the more pleasurable anything and everything feels. Practicing presence is practicing pleasure.
I also believe that we should be able to eat chocolate, drink champagne, take mid-day naps in the sun, go for 2-hour massage appointments, and buy ourselves beautiful things. We are spiritual beings living in a physical world, and the best way to celebrate this is by diving head first into the pleasures that this physical world can offer. We are here to have fun!
Most importantly, I think it’s important that we don’t see these as guilty pleasures that we only earn by putting in a hard day’s work. I want us to see pleasure as our prerogative, our birthright, and a celebration of what it means to be alive. I want us to know that pleasure doesn’t have to be earned.
I used to take life so seriously and having fun just didn’t seem overly important. But life changed for me, not all at once, but gradually, when I changed my perspective on pleasure. It got a whole lot more fun and a whole lot more amazing. I’ve made fun and pleasure my spiritual practice, and I am never looking back.
“I want to date a spiritual guy who doesn’t LOOK spiritual, you know?” In the latest installment of her column Holy F*ck, Alexandra Roxo goes in search of a SMILF…
I was recently discussing relationships with my friend Loulou, and I admitted to finally being ready to surrender to my desire for a “spiritual partner” in love and life.
Lou, like many other friends of mine has a diff take on me about this. As I waxed poetic about Hawaiian yoga retreats with a lover she stopped me, saying: “A big block to finding a partner is putting a limit on who they have to be. Whether it’s the type of clothes they wear, or their career – let’s not throw spirituality into the mix, too.” And I toooootally get it. But if we share our spiritual work with our friends how can we not with a partner?
Over the last 15+ years of dating I’ve mostly stayed away from “spiritual types.” I’ve also spent years sneaking out of bed to meditate in bathrooms in the a.m. Praying silently over my food alone. But while keeping your practice sacred and personal can be beautiful, it can also get old. Most people I dated looked at my altars like I was doing voodoo. (Ok fine, there may have been a snake skin and some bones on there from time to time). A few even made fun of my “woo” at dinner parties – and, well, we DID NOT last.
In my show Be Here Nowish my character Sam goes to a Spiritual Speed Dating event at a place based on Maha Rose in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. After a few too many guys wearing patchouli offer to take her back to their place for an “aura photo” she says to her bestie Nina: “I wanna date a spiritual dude. But not a guy who looks spiritual, you know?”
Since I wrote this line I MEANT IT at the time, and have been casually “researching” this “species” ever since. My findings? There’s the spiritual guy who meditates, but still wants to call you a slut in bed. (Over it.) The spiritual guy who is spiritual by day and does molly all night. (I think this one is called “Burner”?) Then there’s the spiritual guy who dresses in all linen and calls your cooch a yoni. (I may be okay with this, but pls know I may giggle and will DEF group text all my friends about it.)
But I have faith that the “spiritual dude” who isn’t drowning in hemp and OM bumper stickers is out there – and here are 10 of my fave SMILFS to prove it! By SMILF I mean “Spiritual Masculine Identified Person I’d Like to…Follow!” Because following someone and their work and passions is a great way to “get to know them” right?
So thank you, SMILFS, for giving us hope in a world where finding someone vaguely attractive to date that also inspires your spiritual path can feel harder than doing 10 days of Vipassana followed by the Master Cleanse!
:: Kyle Gray :: Okay, any man that works with Angels wins my heart. Enough reason to FOLLOW. Loulou just got me his book and I’m excited to read it. Not only does Kyle have the most adorable Scottish accent and is a one of few out queer spiritual teachers, but he is also covered in inspirational tattoos and obsessed with Vivienne Westwood.
:: Jesse Israel :: I found out about Jesse through my friend Steph Simbari and her podcast with Elizabeth Kott “That’s so retrograde” where she talked to him about his project The Modern Man Experiment which I think is important work. Jesse also organizes HUGE and hip group meditations and things and I’m excited to see what’s next from him.
:: Nick Krieger :: Nick is a trans/queer activist, writer, and coach with goals of de-colonizing and queer-ifying yoga. (Praise Goddess!) He won my heart with this article. He also wrote a book called “Nina Here nor There” about his journey with gender.
:: Light Watkins :: I discovered Light when he taught meditation to someone I dated who then kept saying: “Oh Light this and Light that.” I may have unfollowed that person on social media, BUT in turn I followed Light! Besides his obvious physical beauty, Light brings Vedic meditation to the masses and has cute snapchats featuring his pug.
:: Michael Trainer :: Michael founded the incredible Global Citizen project and has a new project called Peak Mind. I happened to go to his gathering in LA and witness his devotion to the Dalai Lama and how he is helping the planet with an open heart. Very genuine stuff.
:: Spiritual Stoner :: I may have quit marijuana for now, but it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate this guy. My friend Carlen Altman intro-ed me to his insta when I was in a “conspiracy theory/illuminati K-hole” last winter in NY. Radical Instagram activism is the real deal and his posts range from poignant anti-racism memes, veganism support, worshipping women as Goddess incarnate, conspiracy theory reveals…The kinda stuff I could geek out for hours on.
:: Michael Domitrovich :: Michael claims to help make “The power of the Spiritual plane as accessible as a bag of chips!” That’s kind of light worker I gravitate towards- anyone who isn’t afraid to use junk food in a metaphor! He uses all kinds of modalities and teachings and does a lot of workshops in LA and NYC.
:: Ryan Cropper :: Ryan does real fun work, deep but with just enough esoteric to keep things fun and not too woo woo: astral projection courses, shadow integration, memory improvement and more, all with a cute British accent and a great YouTube channel.
:: Patrick Beach :: His Instagram feed speaks for itself. What else can I say about a shirtless hot man in various yoga poses? “Thank you” and “You’re welcome” are the only words I have.
:: Forrest 44 :: Okay, so we may have no idea what this dude’s REAL name, is BUT his Instagram feed is full of Goddess and Nature imagery AND he makes beautiful crystal pendants and rings. Big blue eyes, crystal grids, and visionary art?! Sign me up.
For all of us single ladies I will leave you with the wise Miss Lou said as we finished our coconut “Cream Party” juices: “How about you just choose to seek out a partner who has a practice of love. They might get high from joy when watching their favorite sports team, connect to mother earth via love for their dog.”
I LOVE that, and she is right. However! I’m not giving up on my fantasies of meditating naked in Bali and getting matching Archangel Michael tattoos with someone yet. A girl can dream, right?
I want to hear your opinion! Are you looking for a SMILF? Do you have one to add here? Or are you in a spiritual partnership? Please write in the comments your story with any SMILFS! I’m going to go deeper into this next month and interview some of my fave conscious couples so stay tuned…
Time for another shamanic closet clear out – PLUS sound baths, breathwork, and the latest in the plant-based revolution…
:: MONDAY :: Skype date with beautiful yogini Shona Virtue (above) – a.k.a. one of the main reasons we are RE-LAUNCHING OUR YOGI SWEATSHIRT LINE! Shona picked up a couple of the original (v v limited edition, pretty much sold to friends-and-family only) sweats, and has been on at us to make more ever since. So we listened. And they’re going on sale reeeeeealy soon! The pic is a behind-the-scenes peak from our photo-shoot this week. Sign up for our newsletter to be the first to know when they go on sale – and maybe win one too!
:: TUESDAY :: I hadn’t actually planned anything special for Eclipse night, and so I figured a last minute invite to a sound bath meditation hosted by Well+Good co-founder Melisse Gelula and her friend Summer Rayne (real name) sounded just about perfect. Plus the sound bath itself was being performed by Sara Auster – whose name had literally crossed my radar three times in the past week. It was beautiful, and a precursor to further group meditations in Summer Rayne’s Brooklyn apartment. So let’s just talk about the apartment for a moment…The girl is plant CRAZY, and has created an actual. Freaking. Urban jungle in her home. Full story (on her basically teaching me how to cure my “black thumb” – since I seem to kill anything green that enters my auric field) + pics to follow in a future post…
Sound bath good to go
:: WEDNESDAY :: Psychic closet clear-out! I first enlisted the help of a psychic to help me to an energetic blitz on my closet a couple of years ago, and having moved twice since then things had been getting kind of messy again. Enter Colleen McCann, a stylist-turned-shaman, who essentially does this FOR A LIVING. To kick our session off she read my crystals (yes this is a thing), and used my birth chart details to map my Ba Gua – kind of feng-shui-meets-human-design (I know!!) to map the power places in my apartment / wardrobe. Then we hit the rails. Not enough red (my power color), and everything needs to be reorganized by clothes for my behind-the-scenes vs. front-of-camera life (to invite more “front of camera” opportunities in). To finish, Colleen ran her hands over every piece – and anything holding any extra dense energy had to go, to create space for more high-vibe alternatives. Including a pair of McQueen stilettos, beautiful but wicked painful relics from my “old life” (and which are currently sitting in the Eleven Consignment boutique on NYC’s First Avenue, just FYI).
VERY SPECIAL CRYSTALS in Colleen’s Shamanic “mesa” (medicine bag) + neon pink nails #materialgirlmysticalworld
:: THURSDAY :: JUST YES RAVI DEROSSI – the vegan restaurateur dedicated to bringing plant-based eating to the hipster masses. Like in his East Village tiki bar Mother Of Pearl, where vegan chef Daphne Cheng has just launched an entirely meat-free menu of bar snacks and small plates. I met Daphne there today to talk future Numinous projects (she also hosts supper clubs at her space Exhibit C – sign up for info about what we’ve got planned) and got to sample a ridiculous Edemame Spring Rolls and King Trumpet Mushroom Crudo. #plantpower #futuroffood
:: FRIDAY :: Date-night with Erin Telford – because, Breathwork. I’ve written many times about how much I love this incredibly healing, vibe-raising, multiple-crygasm inducing pranayama workshop, but it’s not something I do on the regular. Rather, my body will just be like “GO. NOW” whenever some stuff has come up that needs to be breathed out. Like, y’know, the Friday night following a FULL ON Pisces New Moon Solar Eclipse…Click the pic below for Erin’s upcoming Breathwork schedule
“My heart is ever at your service.” – William Shakespeare
If you were born with a Pisces moon sign, then this one is for you, dear hearts. Our moon is our emotional headquarters. It alerts us to our deepest feelings and we express it in our knee-jerk reactions. It shows us how we nurture and how we wish to be cared for in return. Our lunar landscape is an often private land that we only fully reveal to those we trust most and the Pisces moon sign is a particularly tender one.
You believe in compassion and kindness – often referred to as too sensitive and emotionally weak. You may have experienced people telling you to box up those gushing feelings as you walk through this intense world, or you will just get hurt even more. But suppressing your truth is never a good thing. You were born with a big, sweet, all feeling heart and frankly, more of which we so dearly need in our often detached world. You naturally radiate a light for humanity that allows others to easily trust you. Possessing the ability to really listen without judgment helps you to move through the world with intuitive ease.
Work out your moon sign, when you do you chart for free here.
You can be an idealist in love – because your heart space LOVES to love. Which also means harsh realities can really sting you deeper than others. You probably have the tendency to give “too much” of yourself, which in turn can set you up for other people taking advantage of your sweet little disposition. But since you’ve been blessed with an intuitive heart you have the ability to know when your tank is running on near to flat out empty. You have to give back to yourself so you can be recharged enough to give again.
Letting also comes naturally to you – letting go of that which you can’t control. It’s a slippery slope though with the Pisces moon sign though, because sometimes you let go too often. You may have the tendency to let someone off of the hook for something you need to confront them about, just so you can go on being the nicest person everyone knows. You’ll forgive before you rock the boat – but only to keep the peace. Working on discerning when it’s appropriate to move on because the situation really isn’t worth fighting over, and situations that require some discussion, examination, and / or healing.
Below are some wellness suggestions to assist as you get to know your delicate Pisces moon sign.
:: GROUNDING PRACTICE :: The Pisces moon sign can sometimes have a bit of a savior complex. You feel your feelings so deeply – often along with everyone else’s. You hate to see someone suffering so you will go to great lengths to help out however you can. This is beautiful but not if it comes at the expense of your quota of support for your own soul.
Create a grounding practice by learning to say “no” more often. Actively notice how often you feel depleted and see if you can cut back on the areas of your life that are draining you. Are you overcommitting your time? Do you say yes to things just so you won’t hurt someone’s feelings? Write a list of all your activities for each day for a month and put a checkmark by the ones that made you feel down/sluggish. See if you can cut those out.
Sometimes we get into such a comfortable habit that we don’t even realize it’s an issue until we literally see it on paper. You also want to set up healthy boundaries. One way is by being selective about the company that you keep. If they don’t bring positivity to the table and you just feel heavier after visiting with them, then their energy are toxic for you. Time to weed the garden! You want only roses of hope in that yard, and it’s up to you to plant wisely.
:: SHIELDS UP :: Your heart experiences life via feelings, and those feelings become your thoughts, so the last thing you want is everybody else’s negativity clouding up your judgment. Being a natural sympathy sponge you want to be mindful to ward off any vibes you don’t need in your bubble!
Each morning, either in bed before you start your day or while taking a shower, imagine shimmering golden light surrounding you from above your head to below your feet. Let the feeling of completeness engulf you. Take enjoyment in your breath and try not to think of anything other than your own personal ease and calm. Take at least one minute to do this practice.
This is so simple and effective because when you start to feel something negative in your day you can come back to the sensation of serenity that you created earlier. If it really is the bad vibes of other people or places then this centering practice should suffice. If you are still feeling off kilter, these could be your own genuine feelings. In which case it’s up to you to feel deeper into your situation and tend to the issue as needed.
:: ESCAPE ARTIST :: The Pisces moon sign can sometimes avoid confrontational issues in order to keep things copacetic. While sweet in theory it’s bad energy to carry. Plus it can create a karma ripple you certainly don’t want showing up later. So you need to create boundaries by proactively planning ahead if you are entering a situation that could turn negative.
Practice what you would say. Visualize the upcoming conversation, but try a different response each time. How do you physically feel with each answer? The one that closes you down and makes you curl inwards is the one you don’t want. The one that gives that sensation of light, expansive openness is the winner.
If it’s a situation where the gross feeling option is the right thing to do, then take time to find a way to move forward in the kindest way possible. Sometimes you have to rip the band-aid off to let the wound heal. Know in your heart that you are doing the right thing and let the feeling of truth be the balm to any fear that arises.
:: RESTORATIVE YOGA :: When thing get too much and it’s time to get back to yourself, you need the desserts of the asana world in your life. I suggest doing these poses when you feel sad, depleted or stressed to revive your spirits and help your heart feel nourished from within.
Supported Bound Angle Sitting in easy pose, draw the soles of your feet together to touch. Take a block under each knee. Take your hands behind you and slowly lay down on your back. Take a folded blanket and place it under your head (if you find that to be more supportive). Let your arms relax to your sides with the palms up. Relax your whole body and rest for five minutes. To finish,bring your feet as wide as your mat and let your knees fall in. Rest here for a few more moments.
Supine Twist Come to your back and draw your knees into your chest. Take a deep inhale and on the exhale drop both knees over to the right. Take your arms out to the sides like wings. Take your gaze to the left. With each inhale allow your spine to lengthen and your belly to fully expand. On the exhale allow your body to twist deeper. Stay here for two minutes and then inhale the knees back to center. Exhale and repeat on the opposite side. In this detoxifying twist, use your breath to emotionally release anything holding you back from moving forward with your goals.
Legs up the wall Come over to a wall space and sit down next to it with one hip against the wall. As you start to lay down on your back simultaneously begin to walk your feet up the wall until the legs are straight towards the ceiling – and your body is on the floor at a right angle to your legs. The knees can have a slight bend and if you want extra support take a block or blanket under your hips. Your hips and seat should be touching the wall so inch your way as close as you can. Just rest your arms out to your sides or on your belly/heart. Close your eyes and feel yourself relaxing. Stay here up to 15 minutes.
Keep space, move with grace & continue your healing work. From those places, your Pisces moon sign will feel content.
Elyssa Jakim’s monthly Temple of Venus column returns with some crafting inspiration to connect to your inner child this Pisces season. PLUS: a bonus video featuring a love potion!
It’s Spring! Well, almost. And I don’t know about you, but with the current swell of deep Pisces feelings I’m ready for creative play – and all I want to do is craft.
Over the last year, I have crafted more than since I was a scrap-booking sixteen-year-old. Teaching at Fairy School (an after school program for connecting children to their magic), I found myself making magic wands, fairy houses, bird-feeders, magic necklaces, and it was wondrous. Even cuter was how many of the parents exhibited a desire to craft too. “I want to go to Fairy School!” they’d say.
This is a perfect illustration of how crafting helps you connect to your inner child; to a sense of play and wonder. Crafting slows us down, asking us to consider just how sparkly that bead is, just how cuddlesome this fabric feels. It’s a meditative mindful practice that’s also easy and fun. Crafting invites us to re-enter our childhood mindset and to view each moment through innocent eyes.
This summer, Numinous founder Ruby Warrington and I created the Temple of Venus, a space that created room to explore the feminine. An essential component of this space was craft. We held flower crown and silk dying workshops that were full of giggles, music, sharing, and sisterhood. These events filled up, and I saw the women who attended leave with a sense of vigor and playfulness.
Healer Camilla Blossom Bishop pointed out to me that when we do craft projects, we nurture a deep feminine part of ourselves – our womb space, which is the seat of creativity in the body. Venus loves this approach to connecting to the unadulterated feminine essence, but it’s wonderful for men too, because we all hold feminine and masculine polarities inside of us. Even better, crafting is also a great way to get to know others, because you bond on a deep and innate level.
With that said, here are some easy-peasy, aesthetically pleasing, joyful and invigorating craft projects for you to try at home!
:: MAGIC WANDS ::
You will need:
Sticks (small pieces of driftwood are nice)
Glitter
Wood glue
Paintbrush
Thick paper such as cardstock
The magic wand is a Fairy School staple. This technique was invented by Maha Rose founder and Fairy School Teacher Lisa Levine and these wands will have you connected to your inner elemental in no time (the photo below is of the beautiful wands she makes).
Put the wood glue in an easy-access container like a glass jar (this way you can save and reuse it easily). Brush glue onto your stick in a stripe around the wood, starting at one end of the stick. Fold your cardstock in half and hold it underneath the stick you as a glitter catcher. Pick a color of glitter and sprinkle the glitter on the glued portion. Pick up your folded paper, gathering up the glitter that has fallen onto it, and siphon it back into the container. This saves a lot of glitter and keeps the colors from mixing. Repeat with another stripe. Repeat. Repeat. If you’d rather go off the grid and not do stripes, you certainly may. You can get extra creative and add strands of beads, feathers, flower petals, or anything else you fancy to your wand.
Note: stray glitter often abounds, so it’s a nice idea to do this craft on a tablecloth or newspaper and to follow up with a vacuum.
:: VISION BOARD ::
You will need:
Stack of magazines
Scissors
Glue
Poster board
Vision boarding is the ultimate girl time activity and a powerful manifestation exercise that gets you in touch with your desires – especially following a New Moon! But whenever I do it, I’m surprised by what my board reveals to me, and I exclaim (inwardly or outwardly): “Oh wow, that’s what I’m desiring right now.” For the vision board is a visual representation of your dreams — the things you want to achieve, obtain, and experience. It’s great to do this with a group of pals and let the love flow.
Start by flipping through the magazines and pulling images you feel drawn to. Then cut these into pleasing shapes and glue them down to your poster board. As I learned from Sara Goff who runs a group called Vision Board Soiree, there are two ways to do this:
1. Pull intuitively whatever images make you feel really good. 2. Know what you want on your board and look for those images.
Most people will find themselves tending toward 1 or 2 (1 Is more Ying, 2 Is more Yang). Make a conscious effort to mix up these two techniques and see what happens. You can also announce to your friends what you’re looking for – “I want a yacht!” – and have them help find it (this asks you to speak your desires aloud). You can also suggest an image to someone if you feel like it’s for them. This way, everyone interacts with each other’s boards.
If you get an image that’s almost right but you’re not sure, dump it. You gotta LOVE it like those perfect jeans. When your boards are completed, share them with one another, discussing your experiences and discoveries. I once did this with a bunch of art students and it was like a mini art history critique, but the most positive, supportive crit in history!
A Vision Board Elyssa made last year
:: MERMAID RATTLE ::
You will need:
Small glass container with lid
Little bells
Yarn
Beads, shells, crystals, glitter, and any other things that you find pretty
Nature spirits (mermaids, unicorns, angels, fairies, dragons, gnomes) love when we sing to them, and this rattle will give your song an extra dose of magic. I just made one of these babies last week in a water healing gathering held by Camilla Blossom Bishop. Ours were mermaid themed, but you can use them for any element or elemental.
You can get creative with your container. Light blue and clear are nice, but even a salt shaker will do. Open the container you chose. Put beautiful tiny objects like beads, shells, crystals, glitter, feathers, and any other pretty things inside, but leave some space for them to move around. Shake as you go to assess the sound it creates, and adjust to your liking. Now close the lid tight. Tie a piece of yarn around the shaker at lid level and tie bells onto the ends. Send a loving intention to connect with nature spirits into your shaker. Behold, you are ready to rattle and roll!
:: MORE CRAFTY RESOURCES ::
If you’re looking to make a professional Flower Crown, check out my girl Rawan Rihani, founder of Aurora Botanica. She led a workshop at the Temple of Venus, teaching us that nothing feels more luxurious than a bed of fresh flowers in your hair—and it smells so good too! Okay I’m gushing.
Cara Marie Piazza is a genius of silk and dye-ing materials, and her workshop at the Temple of Venus knocked our socks off too. Silk and flowers together spell sensual feminine paradise and Cara’s joy for the art is infectious. Plus, the things she creates and teaches us to make are unspeakably beautiful.
And for something even more delicious, Alexandra Roxo and I give you two very simple recipes for love with this Valentines Video: featuring a love potion and raw chocolates.
Need more Venus inspiration? Check out Elyssa’s last Temple of Venus column on a Meditation for Manifesting True Love.
Just in time for Eclipse Season, Valerie Oula brings the healing power of flowers to a tapping ritual for grounding… Artwork:Karolina Daria Flora
There’s a new kid on the holistic healing scene: floral tapping.
During sadhana a few months back, I received the “download” to work with flower essences topically. It’s not often that I get such clear cut, specific instructions from The Universe. And so when this happens, despite any resistance, it feels like I’d better follow through at some point.
And so I’ve been using the flowers in both my private sessions and workshops, and while people aren’t quite sure what’s happening, what they do know is that they feel different. A shift is happening.
Flower essences are the energetic imprint of the flower/tree captured in water. Subtle energy medicine. They do not have a scent and are mixed with grain alcohol or brandy as a preservative. The essences are vibrational remedies that work on the emotional energy body. When we use flower essences, we get attuned to the healing frequency of the flowers – which is essentially about raising our own vibration.
Since this is subtle energy work, it can take some time to recognize the shift that is taking place. It’s not like popping a pill for instant relief – although in this Aquarian age, as more and more of us are waking up and tuning in through energy work and practices like Kundalini Yoga, we may feel the effects faster.
As for floral tapping? It’s a technique that combines these vibrational essences with various tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) modalities. In fact, think of it as EFT – super-charged. By delivering the vibrational essences along several acupuncture points around the ear as we tap, we are loading up on energetic goodness.
And with the swirling energy of Eclipse Season on the way, here’s a grounding floral tapping ritual for extra vibrational support.
What You’ll Need
A grounding flower essence such as Walnut – which is excellent for grounding and protection, to help with change and transition. Also to be used as a shield during an epic sample sale, or the subway at rush hour. Bach flower essences are available in most health food stores as well as at Whole Foods.
A small cup/bowl of spring water or filtered tap water. To prepare, hold the bottle and tap the bottom into the palm of your opposite hand eight times to activate, holding your intention for your ritual in your mind. Add two drops of the essence to water.
Floral Tapping :: The Flower Power Tap – Right Side Only
Prepare a short, simple grounding affirmation expressed in the positive. Some examples you might use: “I am grounded and calm” / “I am grounded and sovereign of my energy / “I embody my truth” / “Sat Nam” (which means “truth is my identity”)
Now bring the fingertips of the right hand together, bunched loosely. Dip your fingers in the activated flower essence water.
Begin solidly tapping with the fingers, starting at the right temple by the opening of the ear. Continue to tap, circling the right ear, while saying the affirmation. Take a deep breath in and out. Tune into the rooted, grounding energy.
Do this three-five rounds at least five times a day, and at least 30 minutes apart.
In the midst of our busy lives in our glorious urban jungles, tap into the essence of the flowers to ground you back to earth. Vibrational medicine works to support us, to allow us to live our life in the full technicolor sensory system of our very human being.
Eclipses are a time to surrender control. Get the scoop on the upcoming eclipse season, as Danielle Paige dives into their affect on your psyche. Artwork:Heather Heininge
The confusion, the pain, the sadness, the changes. The DIZZINESS. Welcome to Eclipse Season! The current cosmic energy is huge, and as a sensitive, energetic being it’s no surprise you’re feeling everything so deeply. But remember, this is just one way the Universe gets you to open up to a new way of life and a higher vibration – one you are being asked to rise to in order to be more in tune with your higher self and your soul’s purpose.
Eclipse Season occurs approximately twice a year, and has the potential to seriously ruffle some feathers. As a result, March is a huge month of change, as the Universe welcomes the new you to step forward. Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to let go of your ego control and breathe through the storm. Because you’re being called.
First, allow me to explain a little about the patterns and cycles in the sky and how they relate to us here on Earth.
It’s likely you’ve been feeling extra emotional since the end of February. February 22, 2016 to be exact. In so then good news, you’re right on track. The February 22 Virgo Full Moon was significant, because it was the closing act to the cosmic journey we’ve been on the past six months.
You see, approximately every six months we are subjected to a series of vibrational upgrades. We enter a new chapter of our soul’s story, this last one ushered in by the last Eclipse Season – in September 2015. The energy of each Eclipse Season spans this same six month period, leading us into the next chapter of our life – hence the energy of March 2016. A.k.a. the beginning of the NEXT chapter.
So if the Virgo Full Moon felt extra strong, it’s because it absolutely was! It was the last full moon of our previous collective chapter, and a finale to the energy of the September Eclipse Season. Look back over the past few months. How have you grown, what’s changed, and what lessons have you learned? Some will have been fun, others not so much. And now the Universe is about to push the reset button.
:: MARCH 8 SOLAR ECLIPSE ::
So, it’s March 2016 and we’ve officially entered a new eclipse season which starts off with a solar eclipse on March 8 at 18 degrees of Pisces. This energy is important for everyone even if you aren’t a Pisces sun sign because you all have Pisces in your birth chart and may have a planet at or around that degree.
A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon comes between the Earth and the Sun temporarily blocking the Sun’s light from reaching Earth. Because, in astrology, the Sun represents your conscious unfolding self, when it’s temporarily blocked we get a fresh start, often because something in your life changes – is “eclipsed.” You will all feel an eclipse; however, the strength of it always goes back to the activity in your personal birth chart.
When an eclipse activates a planet in your birth chart it means it’s time to use the energy of that planet in a new way. The thing with eclipse energy is the change is not always rational and logical. Most often it’s in a way that forces change in your life, as it’s here to push you to adjust to a new way of living.
It’s important to note that not all change is negative – but it is all necessary! Amazing events can happen during eclipses. I know a girl who is releasing her new book, another that won an award, and people can get engaged and married around eclipses because all these events are pushing you to the next chapter of your life.
The March 8 solar eclipse ushers in a new celestial chapter for everyone. Whatever happened the last six months is behind you now- and as we draw nearer, a new story is about to unfold.
This is where the magic begins, and which will then bleed into the coming months…
Eclipse energy is most active 7-10 days before and/or after the eclipse date and can start about a month before as well. But remember, don’t look for something to happen exactly on March 8. It can, however, events usually occur as we’re approaching the exact eclipse date.
In summary, this solar eclipse is the birth of something new. What will it bring in for you? Well that depends on your soul contract and how it’s activating your chart, however, the reset button will be pressed for everyone.
***
:: MARCH 23 LUNAR ECLIPSE ::
A solar eclipse is always followed two weeks later by a Lunar Eclipse. During a Lunar Eclipse, the Earth comes between the Sun and the Moon blocking the Sun’s light from reflecting on the Moon.
This can be a very emotional time. The moon rules our emotions, so when she’s eclipsed she temporarily has no mirror to reflect the Sun’s light and as energetic beings we are also synchronistically cut off from our “power supply” and reintroduced to our shadow side.
This is a time when your unconscious takes center stage, and you can tap into a side of yourself that you’ve pushed down for some time. As a highly sensitive person, you can feel this shift in energy with every ounce of your being, as if you’re being asked to find your way in the “dark.”
Those suppressed emotions, the crap you thought you got rid of long ago – nope, still there! Deep fears, deep pain, deep wounds…this is heavy Scorpio territory – all things hidden that must be transformed for your evolution. But don’t worry – what’s happening is you’re clearing your emotional body of toxic emotions a.k.a. cleaning house! (Yes, once again…I know!)
As you can see, the energy of a lunar eclipse can stir an internal crisis (which is also often caused by external sources, especially relationships, which act as a mirror); and this often brings confusion, doubt, and panic to a head. All of this is designed to spur a conclusion, culmination, ending, or decision of something in your life.
Where and how this plays out will be different for everyone as it depends, again, on where the eclipse point is activated in your birth chart. If you don’t know, no need to worry, simply listen to your intuition and trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
This season’s lunar eclipse occurs on March 23 at 3 degrees of Libra. Note: The Lunar Eclipse on September 27 2015 was at 4 degrees of Aries which is the opposite sign of Libra. This means that themes could repeat themselves; however, the energy is new and will manifest differently. Less anger (Aries) and more cooperation (Libra).
***
:: MOVING FORWARD ::
In between these two fated celestial events (solar and lunar eclipse) is a magic window of change. Just as the ground shifts during an earthquake so too does the energy in your life. During the process it’s not uncommon for things to get messy. Give it time as you are breaking out of old patterns and new energy is coming in.
The energy of this eclipse season will continue to unfold until September 2016, as you continue to evolve as well, and at which time we will enter the NEXT round of eclipses. Or, as I like to call them, upgrades from the Universe.
Remember, there’s nothing to fear or anticipate. One of the main spiritual lessons of eclipse season is to surrender control – because truthfully, none of us have control over life events, only how we choose to react to them.
This article should only be used as a guide to help you understand the larger cosmic forces at work. The universe is not out to get you, it’s simply connecting the dots and speeding up events on your evolving soul journey based on your karmic contract and your free will. All eclipse related activity is destined and connected to your spiritual growth and higher purpose.
So breathe deeply. You’re not going crazy, you’re not losing your mind. Yes, you may be extra emotional right now and throughout the month of March, however, your true soul desires are being answered even if it doesn’t always look like it from your human perspective. Though if you look up and within you’ll see the patterns in the sky connecting to the patterns in your heart.
Many blessings to you, sweet child. You’re surrounded by angels, please call upon them for assistance if need be. The Universe is conspiring in your favor.
In the second installment of her column Holy F*ck, Alexandra Roxo questions if modern-day hookup culture can co-exist with a Numi gal’s desire for conscious dating and sex…
As I sat next to my two friends Malia and Loulou watching Marianne Williamson speak to a crowded LA auditorium, I slumped further and further down in my chair as she discussed that which had been keeping me busy post breakup for nearly nine months…CASUAL SEX. Her words: “When a man puts anything in any of your orifices he has unspoken claim on you”, stung me. And to add insult to injury she went on to state: “Some Buddhist teachings say after sex the energy of the other person doesn’t leave your aura for seven years.”
Shit. My aura was starting to feel real crowded.
Not to mention that on my way to see Marianne talk I had casually mentioned to my new friends how I had recently had phenomenal sex in the back of a Prius under the Hollywood sign with a TV actor in an open relationship after drinks at the Soho House. (#Cliché.) I laughed about it, but now I felt a little uneasy…
Last year when I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly two years and decided to try dating dudes again, I had a period of being “free.” Meaning I hit Tinder hard. I was still meditating. Practicing affirmations. Reading Marianne and Louise Hay. But I was also determined to learn how to have casual sex in a casual way. Remember the “Sex and the City” episode where Carrie tries to have sex like men and can’t? That was me. But there I was on Tinder, wondering: is conscious dating and/or sex even possible through online apps? Can you explore deep sexual bliss with a stranger you drunk swiped on? In fact, can you explore sexual bliss with a stranger at all?
Obviously sex and religion is a whole big Pandora’s box I will not attempt to open, except to say that I do have massive PTSD from spending too many hours at “youth camp” where I was saved/told I was a sinner for being a sexual being. I’ve been healing from that for years as a non-religious “spiritual person,” but still many of the same judgements and questions continue to come up. Is casual sex an obstacle towards enlightenment or can it be an aid?
My friend Karley (a.k.a. Slutever) who is a sex writer and creative collaborator, turned me on to Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, who did a rad TED talk on how casual sex can be super healthy, which inspired me. In the last year I decided to fully commit myself to this quest. Oddly (or not – cause the Universe knows what it’s doing) I attracted quite a few “spiritual” dudes down for the cause. According to Dr. Zhana, healthy casual sex must be sober (at least pretty sober) and feel authentic to you. Once alcohol, drugs, and sadness enter, then it’s a whole ‘nother thing. Thing is, I couldn’t seem to get naked with a stranger without at least three drinks. (If this isn’t a sign I dunno what is!)
Then I started seeing someone. I thought maybe this was gonna be someone I would partner with for a long time. We meditated together. We have the same agents. We write and direct comedy. It seemed perfect. And it was – but only on paper. In person we didn’t get along and never laughed. So cut to the breakup, and the same night that a friend asked me to go a “very progressive” sex party. She said I could just watch and that it was going to be a great experience etc…I mean…how could I turn that down?
So in my fragile, broken state I put on a tight black dress and lipstick and got myself into an Uber, and embarrassingly sang the Weeknd’s “Hills” to the driver getting into my “empowered single woman” space, i.e. hot mess space. When I arrived at the sex party I stood on the sidelines until a man with a top knot and a jar of organic coconut oil offered me a Thai Massage. This seemed harmless enough. But then again I was drinking large amounts of Patron. And nothing under the influence of tequila is harmless.
As I was being twisted into yoga poses I heard strange gurgling sounds. When I opened my eyes I saw the woman next to me was double deep throating. I was shocked, and took another deep sip of tequila. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against deep throating – it was just that in my vulnerable state, it was all too much for me. It just didn’t feel like my truth.
I like to think that I’m “sexually progressive,” and open, and sex positive. I think I said yes to at least 2 out of 5 threesomes last year…but maybe that’s just not me anymore. Not my authentic truth now. Though, at this party I kept downing tequila hoping to “make it my truth,” and the next thing I knew I was laying in some couple’s arms, naked. I still have no idea how I made it home, though I did get a text from the wife who is a yoga teacher inviting me to class and telling me: “Congrats on no longer being vanilla!” If she only knew…
The next day I decided to stop drinking. To stop smoking weed. And to stop having casual sex. At least for now. Because none of it seemed to be serving my highest good anymore. (Did it ever?) I had put so much pressure on myself to “be free” and have fun, but the truth was I was covering up loneliness and a feeling of separation from Source.
I can see that my true freedom now lies in healing my wounds, in meditation, and safe self exploration. But my fear was…does this make me…boring?! (Um, if anybody’s watched Be Here Nowish season two I basically wrote a character that I have become! Yoga pants and celibacy!) But you know what: I don’t give a f*ck about becoming boring. I haven’t drank or done drugs in over a month, and I’ve danced, laughed, and sung a ton recently, and felt myself surrounded by beauty and magic.
I’ve also just come off a 3-day meditation retreat where I chanted and sat in a circle for three eight hour stretches with amazing humans deep in spiritual search, which is something I’ve been actively in, off and on, for the last 15 years. I realized how sometimes I veer so far from this part of myself, and thank GODDESS something always brings me back. This time in the form of a best friend who I’ve known for 14 years, Rebecca, beckoning me to Berkeley. And hours of meditation and chanting and crying and healing brought me back, yet again, to myself. The self who is held by Source, and doesn’t need to be held by random strangers.
The truth is, as much as I want to believe in the glories of casual sex, I don’t think it brings me personally closer towards Bliss, Peace, and Spirit. If it works for you then that’s beautiful and more power to ya. For me, I hope and think that having sex with someone I love deeply in a soul partner way will do that.
Alexandra Roxo is an LA based filmmaker and actress who is currently developing a holistic coaching business. She has a company called Purple Milk that makes all kinds of fun stuff including the popular web series Be Here Nowish. Follow her on Insta hereand read her past Numinous articles on Now Age love and sex here.
Depression can be a signal of deep discontent from your soul. As tough as it is, try diving into those feelings through meditation and self-reflection to clear your psyche, says Erin Telford…
“Winter is a great time for depression,” I joked at a Breathwork group last month. I was met with some very nervous giggles. As with most things, it’s only funny because it’s uncomfortably true.
All humor aside, I got really depressed last winter.
It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling. The first time I remember feeling depressed was when I was about 14 years old. It felt like being trapped in a glass, banging on the walls with no one listening, fatigue and a vague sense of loss and hazy unmet needs.
When I started to sink down and enter that deep gray landscape, I just felt tired and defeated. You again? After all this work?
I was involved in a group-coaching program at the time. I was honest with everyone about the despair I was feeling. They came full force with the positivity. You got this! You just need a spa day! Self-care! Find your gratitude!
“Seriously?” I thought. I was surprised by how fiercely irritated I was with their advice. And it hit me. I did not want to be cheerled out of this. I wanted to go down into the dungeon of my psyche and find some f*cking answers.
My response to feeling depressed in the past was to wait until it was over. Back pedal out of the icky feelings. Utilize the usual anesthetics. Self-medication. Self-isolation. Online shopping. Staying busy. Hitting the crack pipe rabbit hole of social media.
This time needed to be different. I’m not a confused teenage girl anymore. I’ve been waking up for a long time and I have an arsenal of tools in my bag, perfect for this emotional renovation. So I made a commitment to going down and in – and not coming back out until I found what I was looking for.
So what did that look like in real life? I turned my phone off. I sat in my favorite spot in my apartment, this little nook with a bunch of plants, great light, and a big window, and I checked in. I sat with myself. I did some writing. I asked many times and in as many ways as I could, “what is underneath all of this pain?”
I was really gentle with myself. This line of inquiry did not involve self-criticism, curse words, belittling myself or my process or any feeling of needing to hurry up and get back to “normal” life. I did not take time off but I did give myself all of the time that I had and needed.
What I found was a deep well of sweetness for myself.
The supposed truth that had taken me down to these depths was uncovered as just another clever way that I had fooled myself into believing that I was separate, that I was unloved, that I was unsupported. I discovered that I had the power inside to be able to break a life long pattern by looking at my wounds with tender curiosity rather than frustration or disdain.
***
Depression is often framed as something that just happens to us like getting a cold or a bummer draw of a genetic card. While environment, brain chemistry, and family lineage can be part of long-standing major depression; many of us experience it simply as a response to what’s going on in our lives.
We sell ourselves short by saying, “I’m just depressed.” As if it has nothing to do with the emotional pain that we’ve endured, the unattended wounds, the countless hours spent confused and alone or in groups of people who fail to see or help our hurt. The real life existential crisis that is: “I was told this would make me happy and I’m not. That must mean something is wrong with me. “
Very few of us have been taught any kind of practical way to channel and work with emotional pain. Most likely the instruction we covertly receive is to tuck away the unlovable, messy parts of ourselves. Shove them way, way, way into the back of the closet so we never have to look at the shame or hurt or confusion we feel. Or, let anyone else see it!
There is a single seed of discontent within you that is begging to be acknowledged.
Only you know, and facing it down is what I call Constructive Depression. It will require your participation. It will require fierce internal responsibility. And it is your job and your job alone, since no-one else can connect to your deepest parts but you.
The longer you’ve been feeling this way, the more wildly uncomfortable you may be with the truth that is banging on the door of your heart, begging for bread and water. How honest are you willing to be with yourself when your wellbeing is on the line?
So how to you do this?
You can think of Constructive Depression as a soul expedition. So what do you need for an internal journey? Nutritious snacks, great music, paints, journals, talismans, crystals, instruments, quiet, something to burn away the energy. Gather all of your supportive resources.
This is not an intellectual exercise. This is a reckoning. You with you.
This is a slow immersive dip into your soul. A psychic cleansing. Mental decongestion. Moving toward rather than away. Your resistance to this idea is equal to your commitment that all of this is due to the outside rather than inside forces. You ARE up to the task.
We experience the full range of human emotions for a reason. We feel sad because something is breaking our heart. We feel angry because something isn’t right and it needs to change. We feel fear because we are threatened or being asked to expand.
Depression is an opportunity for internal exploration. You are not depressed because you are a bad person or you skipped too many days of yoga or gratitude journaling.
You are depressed because something is not working for you. There is a yearning. An emotional chasm. Something that is crying out to be witnessed and seen like it’s never been seen before. Our wounds are rarely greeted with the exact kind of care and response that we are craving. When we accumulate a lifetime of hurts that have gone unnoticed or unattended to by others, the responsibility falls back to us to determine what we need.
So meet yourself with all of the tenderness, all of the sweetness, the hugs, the love, and the acceptance that you hold within you. Go inside, find your golden nugget of truth, and only come back out when you are ready – holding your treasure high.
*Mental health can be very tenuous. If you feel like this is something you can safely undertake, please do. If it feels like too much, please seek professional support for this internal exploration.
Welcome to The 12th Sense – a luscious monthly exploration of the current cosmic energies for your sign, by Cara George & Bess Matassa of Mojave Rising. THIS MONTH: create an altar for Pisces season…
We often speak of the Pisces/Virgo axis with a world-weary sense of psychic overwhelm; these highly sensitized signs are associated with the hollowed out, solitary feeling that we’re all just miniature specks. Yet one of the most sparkling, sunken-ship treasures of this axis is the capacity for these signs to elevate and transform our everyday experience.
Pisces season asks us to find pageantry in the minutiae and the slow unfolding of our lives. And with the North Node and Jupiter now in Virgo, Saturn in Sagittarius squaring the Pisces New Moon on March 8, and Mars primed to enter Sag territory on March 5, we’re being asked to activate a proprietary blend of pragmatic mysticism in order to find a different way to pray: one that allows for a sensuous seamlessness between our higher selves and our everyday environment.
And so this month, we invite you to set up an altar using seemingly frivolous objects, and to mix them with the most obviously sacred and self-consciously important. From boudoir vanities to austere, sacrificial shrines, we can dialogue with the divine using lipstick tubes, found objects, and sacred tomes alike.
Watch in wonder as your steak knives, lingerie, old love letters, and spice cabinet being to whisper that they’re worth believing in and that you’re worth believing in, too. And in the midnight hour, you’ll start to feel your own power in all its glamorous, gentle, ferocious divinity.
Keyword: “Veneration”
Song Lyrics of the Month: “Life is a mystery/Everyone must stand alone/I hear you call my name/And it feels like home”
Now click here for a Piscean Playlist and read on for our tips for creating an everyday altar for Pisces season by sign.
:: Aries :: Pisces season invites you to experiment with trusting in your potent, singular identity without having to prove it, and to calm your passion for friction as you revel in a strength borne through soft-focus edges. Select a precious object that you consider to be fiercely, distinctively “you” and experiment with placing it under a piece of fabric or inside a box as you move towards a faith in its inevitable survival – without visible proof. Throw down a symbol of strength or toughness and infuse this item with gloss and glitter. Think hot pink boxing gloves or a tool belt filled with feathers.
:: Taurus :: Pisces season invites you to loosen up and play with the concept of security as you widen your field of value. Place an object that you treasure deeply next to one you consider meaningless and challenge yourself to see the worth of each. Celebrate your love of sensuous feasting with some Piscean synesthesia; mix a scent, taste, and color in a textured vessel to create a potion that feeds all facets of olfactory and visual delight. Think lavender ice cream or a rose margarita served up in a vintage Old Hollywood gold-leafed goblet.
:: Gemini :: Pisces season invites you to celebrate the world’s dazzling array of information sources as you revel in the possibility of not having to understand it all. Place books in languages you don’t speak, maps of places you’ve never been, and menus of cuisines you’ve yet to sample on your altar as you honor global wares in all their jet-setting mystery. Take a walk and discover a found object of unknown provenance to add to your spread. Think Basque rock lyrics, maps of Pompeii, or an eccentric plant you pass every day without knowing its genus.
:: Cancer :: Pisces season invites you to loosen your highly personalized grip, and to practice honoring feeling nature of everything that surrounds you. Choose a souvenir from childhood or a deeply charged object from a former emotional situation and experiment with blurring its boundaries; place it alongside brand new objects, melt it down or burn it, and venerate its remains. Or leave a treasured object exposed to light, wind, rain, and snow on a balcony or near an open window and watch its gentle erosion and changes through time. Think everything from exes’ love letters set aflame to Malibu Barbie through the seasons.
:: Leo :: Pisces season invites you to challenge attachment to your tastes, and to rediscover a sumptuous internal fantasy life that needs no hook in the external world. Place jewels or makeup on your altar that aren’t quite your style, or look for an otherwise “ugly” object you can recognize each day for its unexpected, evolving shades of glamour. Pen letters to yourself or to an imaginary lover as you move towards your passionately internal world. Think those earmuffs from Aunt Linda you thought you hated, or a sweet message to your 5th grade self decked out in sparkly decals.
:: Virgo :: Pisces season invites you to expand your love of divine detail and order as you practice embracing the gorgeous messiness of mixing, matching, blending, and fusing. Place a collection of essential oils on your altar and experiment with instinctually mixing them into a fragrant concoction. Or spend the afternoon decanting newly discovered wines in preparation for a tasting party that celebrates both individual flavor profiles and taste collisions. Think frankincense meets orange blossom, and full-bodied Spanish leathery red meets crushed-seashell Loire white.
:: Libra :: Pisces season invites you to sample in-betweenness rather than having to choose, and to wander through shifting perspectives as you soften your search for the ideal with tender non-judgment. Play with the visual as you move your altar to different heights and lights and watch for changes in the shadows throughout the day. Adorn your altar with candles in recognition of the hybrid interplay between states of solidity and liquid. Think melted wax at midnight and firm, luminous clarity by daybreak.
:: Scorpio :: Pisces season invites you to mix the intensity of penetrating and purging with the sumptuously tender act of allowing. Place an object on your altar that you’ve been hoarding but which causes you pain to look at. Repurpose this pain as you lay your object atop a luxe satin pillow, or wrap it in your favorite fluffy sweater or decadent piece of lingerie. Watch the boundaries between pain and pleasure dissolve. Think that caustic performance review shredded atop a heap of blue-violet hydrangeas, or purifying that garter belt gifted by the one that got away in preparation for a girl’s night out.
:: Sagittarius :: Pisces season invites you to stoke your adventurous wildfire without having to externally seek in the physically nomadic world. Let the sounds of the ambient environment form the backdrop for an altar peppered with woodsy incense as you watch scent and smoke travel through space without having to leave your room. Think tripping out to the sounds of traffic on a regular weeknight as you burn Palo Santo and tobacco.
:: Capricorn :: Pisces season invites you to relax into the sensation that not everything has to be accomplished or take effort. Place the remnants of a project that’s partially complete on your altar and honor where you are in the process. Bookend it with a jar of sand as you realize that you don’t have to build a castle to enjoy the shifting, soft sensations of all these tiny grains. Think rainbowed sand art placed in the bathroom you’re mid-renovation.
:: Aquarius :: Pisces season invites you to break down rational systems of thought and to move towards the realm of irrational sensation as you blend your radical streak with Piscean mystical dreaming. Take an object apart and value its constituent pieces in a place of prominence. Or construct an altar to items that make no “sense” together but which carry an intuitively emotional charge. Think Ikea furniture instructions surrounded by talismans gifted from friends, and wondrously weird snapshots of your past and potentially future selves.
:: Pisces :: Invite yourself to explore the Virgo sitting opposite as you ask your slippery fishies to venerate the process of discernment, boundary construction, and divining what is singularly precious from the sea of possibility. Strip your altar down and practice choosing just one valued object from your bottom-drawer jumble of treasures and trash. Or add every precious item possible and then ritualistically remove them over the course of a week until only one beloved piece remains. Think fistfuls of plastic jewels from that lost weekend in New Orleans slowly untangling themselves, or a fishbowl containing a solo geode exposed to the light.
To find out more about Cara George and Bess Matassa and their work, visit: MojaveRising.com
